


Through Open Doors {Sequel to Behind Closed Doors}

by onedirectioninthetardis



Series: Doors [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onedirectioninthetardis/pseuds/onedirectioninthetardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Read the prequel first!!! Behind Closed Doors:</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1032084/chapters/2056319">BEHIND CLOSED DOORS</a></p><p> </p><p>Louis and Harry have had quite a difficult time holding their relationship together with such a pressing career. However, after some quality time and moving to a new home together, they are ready to begin their lives completely devoted to one another. Things are much more serious than they can imagine, though.</p><p>Will their desire to advance their relationship hurt the other boys? Will they be able to hold it together without consequences?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**HARRY’S P.O.V.**

 

  It’s been two weeks since Louis’ proposal and I still wake up every morning, thinking it’s a dream. That is, of course, until I look around the brand new bedroom that’s still unfamiliar to me, glance over at Louis’ sleeping body, and finally at the beautifully sentimental ring on my left hand. 

This morning isn’t any different, except that when I look around the room, I also see the wall of memories that Louis and I have started to transfer from his old room; well, it was practically our room, but this is really _our room._ Also, Louis isn’t in bed still. He’s been sleeping in every day since we started staying here, but I can hear the shower running from our bed.

Louis is letting me decorate the whole place. Right now, it’s littered with the furniture that used to be in Louis’ apartment, along with some that was in mine, but I want to start it all from scratch. The bed is new and it’s fucking huge. I never thought Louis ever paid attention to my rants about how great L.A. is, but apparently he does, because there is a fabulous California king bed in the middle of our too-large bedroom. This place, our house, is going to be entirely new and entirely _us_.

I yawn and groan loudly, tearing the covers off of me quickly. If I don’t get up now, I probably won’t want to all day... and we have a meeting with Jason in a couple hours. All of us guys do, not just me and Louis.

“Harry! Are you up?”

The shower stops running just after Louis calls to me and I stand up, making my way toward the bathroom without putting on a single item of clothing. I swing the door open and see the outline of Louis’ perfect curves through the fogged up glass.

I whistle and hum dramatically in appreciation of the view as I lean toward the wall above the toilet and hold myself up as I try to have a piss with a morning erection.

“Morning, sweetheart. How’d you sleep?”

He slides the shower open enough to poke his head out and I can’t help but to chuckle at the mop of wet hair on top of his head.

“Morning, Haz. I slept great. That bed is a dream; I might need to give L.A. a chance if everything else is as wonderful there as that damn bed.” He shakes his hair and a bit splashes on me as I finally finish pissing. “Hey, can you grab me a towel, babe? I’m freezing.”

I chuckle and walk over to the cupboard, retrieving a large, white, fluffy towel and walking back to the shower. I hold the towel behind my back and lean forward, pursing my lips.

“What are you doing, ya goofball?”

“Well, I’m not gonna give you anything without a ‘good morning’ kiss, now am I?”

Louis giggles and presses his wet lips against my dry, puckered ones.

“Here you are, darling.”

I hand him the towel and turn around, feeling a light smack on my bum. I turn around in mock appall.

“Excuse me!”

He laughs at his own behavior and rubs the towel over his perfectly tanned skin. We really haven’t spent much time outdoors in forever- how is he always so sun kissed?

“C’mere, crazy.”

I smile and approach him slowly, swaying back and forth like a love-struck puppy.

“M’not crazy, crazy.”

Louis steps out of the shower and meets me halfway, wrapping his towel around both of our hips. I gasp when I feel our cocks brush against each other. I cup his face with both of my hands and kiss him with every intent of a chaste, slow kiss; but, Louis has a different idea and as soon as our lips meet, the kiss is hungry and passionate. I back Louis up toward the shower and press his back against the glass.

“H-“

I ignore his interruption and kiss him some more.

“Harry, babe.”

I reluctantly pull away and rest my forehead against his.

“As badly as I want to continue this forever and ever, we need to be at the office in like an hour and a half and it’s a bit farther from the new house than we used to be.” I pout and he pecks my nose playfully, “And you, my love, need to take a shower!” 

He slips under my arm before I can make another move, leaving me naked in front of the shower. I suppose I don’t have much of an option now. As Louis walks away, I turn the water on and call out to him, “You owe me big time later.”

He waves his hand around, dismissing me, but I know he’s just playing. I’ll get plenty Louis time after this damned meeting.

 

____________

 

**ZAYN’S P.O.V.**

 

“Guys, we’ve gotta be on the same page here, okay? This is our chance.”

Niall and Liam nod in agreement. It’s really strange to think of how playful and carefree we all were four years ago, just getting started. Now, everything seems somber and serious. It’s not the same.

“Alright, well, what do you think we should do, Z?”

Yeah, it’s definitely strangest to see Niall so severe.

“Uh, I guess we’ll just have to stand our ground, yeah?”

Liam looks between Niall and I, constantly nodding and taking deep breaths.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go in there, then. We’ll just wait in the lobby until Louis and Harry get here.”

Niall and I mutter our agreement and follow Liam through the large glass doors of Modest offices.

 

__________

 

**LOUIS’ P.O.V.**

 

Harry and I drive in blissful silence until he tries to find parking. Then, it’s just whispered curses and sighs of irritation. Eventually, we park behind the building and Harry leans over to kiss me on the cheek before we have to get out of the car and walk at least three feet away from each other.

“Alright, let’s see what Jason wants, yeah?”

Harry nods and we both step out of the car, hurrying up the steps to the back entrance of the offices. Just before we open the door, Harry stands in my way.

“Wait, are we supposed to tell Jason about the engagement? Like, what do we do?”

I shrug, because I haven’t thought that far ahead. I honestly don’t care about Jason at this point, or anything but Harry.

“Let’s just see what it’s all about, yeah? We’ll take it one step at a time. Just remember-“ I pause until Harry looks me in the eye, “it’s about us, but it’s also about Zayn, Liam, and Niall, okay? We have to be careful still, even though it seems easy to just be ignorant and enraptured in our relationship, but- we just need to think about everyone.”

Harry nods understandingly and leans over to kiss me, but realizes that it’s not an opportune place.

“We’ve been locked away alone too long.”

I chuckle and follow Harry inside and to the elevator that we previously scandalized.

“Had some good times in here, huh?”

I hold back my laughter and wait impatiently for the lift to reach the lobby. Before it does, Zayn, Liam, and Niall hurry over from the other side of the room.

“Hey, guys! We didn’t see you come in.” 

Niall seems like he’s trying to hard to be cheerful. They all do, really.

“Sorry, we came in the back. Couldn’t find parking anywhere.”

We all step into the lift when the doors open. The ride is awkwardly silent and I wonder if it’s because the boys totally know that we’ve been locked away in our new house fucking for two weeks. That knowledge has never been awkward before, though.

I open my mouth to break the silence, but the doors open on the correct floor, and we all file out to the dreaded hallway that contains Jason’s office. Niall leads the five of us and holds the door open until we’ve all filed into Jason’s office. He’s sitting at his desk, as usual, staring at his computer. Zayn clears his throat and we all stand near the door until he notices us.

“Ah, boys. Have a seat. I’m quite surprised to see you all here on time.”

He glances at Harry and I with those words, not surprisingly so. We all sit, Harry and I on the chairs and the rest of the boys on the couch to our right.

“Alright, I’ll cut to the chase, then. We have a few things to discuss. First of all, I hope you’ve enjoyed the prolonged break because rehearsals for your next tour start in a week.” 

We all nod, because that isn’t really news to anyone.

“Secondly, we are going to be doing a bunch of photo-shoots in the next few days for new mercy and I’m trying to make them consecutive so that they won’t take too many days away from your last week of freedom.”

Freedom...right.

“Now, thirdly and most importantly, I see that Louis and Harry here have been taking advantage of that freedom.”

We all look around at each other in confusion and Harry asks the question that Jason is obviously waiting for, “What do you mean?”

“Well, let’s just say that we had to fork over a bit of money so that some friends over in Ireland would keep some pictures private. A large amount of money, really.”

He glances at the both of us and we’re motionless. There’s really nothing we can say that will help. So, we just let Jason continue.

“So, depending on when we get those photo-shoots planned, Harry is going to spend a bit of time in L.A. to ‘get away’ before the tour starts.”

Harry scoffs and I scoot forward in my chair in an attempt to come off as intimidating and protective.

Instead, I just sound pathetic.

“Please, Jason. Things have been really great lately and I’d really like to savor the little time we have alone before tour. Don’t send Harry away.”

Jason chuckles and shuffles through some papers on his desk before folding his arms and staring me right in the eyes.

“Sorry, Louis but that’s not gonna work.”

My mouth hangs open stupidly and I’m at a complete loss of words. Then, I feel a familiar hand on my shoulder and I turn in my seat to look up at Liam.

“Jason, we’re not going to stand by and let this happen anymore.”

Jason is taken aback, and frankly, so am I.

“Excuse me, Liam? What makes you think any of you have a say in this?”

Niall steps forward and stands next to Liam.

“Well, we’re a group. You either work with us, or lose us.”

Jason clears his throat in disbelief and sits up straight. He opens his mouth to speak, but this time Zayn interrupts.

“If you don’t let Louis and Harry come out, then we’re all buying our way out of our contracts.”

The bomb is dropped and I’m completely blown away. Judging by the rosy color of Harry’s face, so is he.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**HARRY’S P.O.V.**

 

A rough silence fell after Zayn’s frank statement, so Liam added, “We’ll give you a week to think about it and get back to us, yeah?”

Then, Louis and I stand and follow the other lads out of Jason’s office without saying a word. We all walk quietly to the lift, but once the doors close behind us, I feel tears begin to surface.

Niall must notice, because he approaches me and rests a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Oh god, you guys are mad, aren’t you? We’re sorry to spring this on you. We just knew that if we talked to you about it first, you’d never let us go through with it, but honestly, we wanted to. We’ve thought about it for a long while, but with the engagement, it just seemed like perfect timing, and-“

“Shut up, Ni. I’m not upset! I’m just so happy,” I start to sob, unable to hold it back anymore and I glance over at Louis, who’s smiling, still in a state of shock. Niall sighs in relief and pulls me into a tight hug. Louis, Zayn, and Liam quickly join in, surrounding us in an embrace. My voice is muffled against Niall’s shoulder, but I manage to say, “You guys are the best.” 

“We know,” Zayn murmurs, making us all chuckle as the lift dings and stops on the first floor.

We file out of the elevator in silence and make our way to the back door Louis and I entered through. We huddle under the small part of the sidewalk that is covered, protecting us from the typical London rainfall.

“Do you guys want to do something, or...”

I can tell that Louis is trying to politely get rid of the lads and apparently they catch on as well.

“You lovebirds go on home. Let’s plan to grill out on Sunday or summat, yeah?”

I nod enthusiastically in agreement with Zayn’s idea and Louis mutters a quick, “yeah, yeah.”

We say our goodbyes and Louis and I leave the group first, jogging to the car park. We don’t escape the rain entirely, though. Our clothes and hair are pretty soaked. Once we shut the doors and I start the car, I immediately get an ear full of Louis’ thoughts and feelings before I can even ask.

“I just don’t know why they would do that without like warning us or something...

“Lou-“

 “I mean, Jason is obviously pissed and he’s going to find some way to make this all backfire on us and you KNOW he’s not gonna believe that it was the boys’ idea...”

“But, Louis-“

“...he’s going to put the blame on us and make our lives a living hell all over again. Just like always.”

“Louis, let me speak!”

I nearly drive through a stop light, but slam on the brakes in time, finally capturing Louis’ attention.

He looks like a mixture of irritated and scared, and I reach over to collect his hand in mine comfortingly.

“Louis, calm down and we can talk about this like adults.”

He rolls his eyes and stares out the window, but he leaves his hand safely contained in mine. That’s the equivalent of him agreeing with me, so I continue, “Let’s go home and order a Chinese and we’ll talk and then watch a movie and laze about, yeah?”

He nods cautiously with his head resting against the window.

I don’t push him any further now because I know it’ll be better if I let him think it over on his own for a bit until we get home. I hope that my silence will encourage him to do just that: think. How wrong I am.

“I get that we got engaged and like it’s a big step and I know they have the best intentions, but we always said that we couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason for ruining their careers. Harry, I don’t want them to resent us down the road. They’re like family to us and losing them would just be the absolute worst!”

I nod, but remain silent because I know that this is the next best thing to him quietly thinking; he’s just thinking out loud as long as I don’t interrupt. 

“When our lives do settle down, and they will eventually, they need to be by our sides, just like they have been for so long. It’s so much change all at once. Did they even think this all through? They aren’t just doing us a favor, they’re putting all of our careers at risk.”

My eyebrows furrow and I have an uneasy feeling about what he’s saying. I pull over near a quiet, shaded park as the rain pour harder than before. I park the car and twist my torso to face Louis better.

I pull his hand close to my chest and speak calmly, “Baby, what is this really about?”

He pretends to be confused, but soon sighs and stares at his feet.

“Talk to me, Lou.”

I kiss the back of his hand and wait patiently for him to answer me.

After a few silent moments, he looks me in the eye and I notice that his bottom lip is slightly quivering.

“Harry, I’m scared.”

I watch as his eyes water and my first instinct is to pull him to my chest and hold him forever, but I let him get everything out first, even if it means witnessing Louis cry.

“I know I talk a lot of shit about being brave and all, but I’m so scared. This is what we’ve always wanted and it’s finally possible and happening and Jesus, it’s so terrifying. I’ve always thought we would come out like years down the road and I’ve always looked forward to it, but now it’s so real and so... intimidating.” 

He gestures and pours out his heart, but once he’s done, I can’t help but to pull him into a warm, comforting hug. It’s what he would do if the roles were reversed. He buries his face in my neck and I kiss the side of his head repeatedly until he pulls away.

“Louis, I know how you feel, okay? Remember when I was so fucking scared to tell my dad about us?” Louis nods and wipes away a few tears with the collar of his shirt, “And it backfired a little, you know. But, I rolled with the punches because you’re my everything, Louis and if my dad hating me because of our relationship was the case, then I would have had to deal with that. Because you’re a part of me and if he couldn’t accept that, then tough shit.”

Louis chuckles lightly and pulls our intertwined hands into his lap.

I lean over and press a chaste kiss to his cheek, “So, what is it that you’re most afraid of?”

He sighs and thinks for a moment, “I don’t want to be one of those celebrity couples. They’re all just a joke and the media ruins everything. Like, yeah our fans mainly support us and that’s great, but our relationship will become everything that One Direction stands for. If we make it through this bump in the road with Modest, then that isn’t fair to the other boys, and frankly, to us. Our relationship shouldn’t be the poster for our band. They should be separate, but they never will be. I’m scared of what people will say. People who don’t know us. I hate that I feel like that, because if you’re being brave about it, then so should I. It’s just difficult to know that our love will be on display to everyone.”

I nod, understanding his opinion on it all, but I still don’t think he should be so afraid.

I lean over and rest my head on his chest, staring out the windshield.

“Lou, you see that couple over there under that awning?”

Louis glances over and matches my gaze at the middle aged couple enjoying a picnic at a table under a covering at the park. The rain is falling around them, but they’re way too occupied in their conversation to care. They’re the only people in view.

“Yeah, what about them?”

Louis runs his fingers through my damp hair gently.

“After all of this happens, that could be us. We wouldn’t have to hide. In fact, a few years from now, we could be sitting there, on a sunnier day of course, and watch our little boy or little girl run around on the playground while we enjoy a tiny piece of alone time. It’d be enough, though, because our family would be together and nothing else would matter. Our only problems would be trying to find enough time to fuck while the kids are gone or asleep. We’ll argue about who’s making lunches and who’s changing diapers, but all of that petty stuff you just mentioned will literally mean nothing. The lads aren’t dumb. They’ve thought about this a long time, I’m sure. If any of us act out of impulse, it’s you,” he playfully smacks my arm, but agrees, “Sure, it’ll be scary at first, but isn’t our future worth it?”

Just thinking about my little scenario forces a smile onto my face. The man and woman at the table are laughing about something and it makes me smile even more.

“Of course, you’re right, babe. I want all of that and if it means a few months or years of uninterrupted shit in the tabloids about us, then I think it’s worth it.”

I hum lazily in agreement and nuzzle into Louis’ chest, “The world is changing and we have an opportunity to help with it all. The fans who aren’t on board already will probably get used to the idea and it won’t be so shocking to people anymore.”

I look up briefly and capture Louis’ lips in a crushing kiss.

 “I love you so much, Harry.”

I smile and kiss his nose quickly.

“I love you more, sweetheart. Can I please take you home now and get these wet clothes off of you?”

I wink playfully and he smirks proudly, “Of course you can. I suggest you drive faster as well. I swear my gran drives faster than you.”

“Heeeey, I’m a safe driver. I’ve got precious cargo with me.”

Louis snorts and watches my every move in adoration as I pull out of the car park and make my way back to the road.

The rest of our day is spent exchanging lazy hand jobs while watching a breaking bad marathon and snacking on Chinese food. Louis fucks me in the shower that night and we make a mental list of all of the surfaces in our house we haven’t consummated yet. We also text Liam, Zayn, and Niall to plan a dinner at our place the following night. Then, we can all discuss our next move.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**LOUIS' P.O.V.**

 

"Lou- Did you pick up the living room?"

I set my beer on the coffee table after taking a long swig, rolling my eyes as I swallow, "It's not necessary, babe."

I unmute the telly when the commercials end and the match comes back on, knowing that Harry is probably huffing out of the kitchen at the moment.

Sure enough, I hear his hands drop to his thighs in irritation. I turn my head, only after picking back up my glass of beer.

"Louis, come on. Please, just put your shoes in the closet and fix the pillows and stuff. It's not that much," Harry pleas and I feel a slight twinge of guilt in my chest.

"Harry, it's just the lads. They've seen my flat after a month of you not stepping foot in it. Can you just take a moment and imagine what that must have looked like?"

Harry stops for a second and physically shudders, "It doesn't matter, Lou. This is our place and I want it to look nice. You got us this beautiful house and I just want everyone to be able to appreciate it."

I sigh as Harry begins to pick up my shoes, having already given up on me, "Harry-"

"It's whatever; I'll just do it myself."

He searches for the left shoe to match the black Van in his hand. I stand up, setting my beer down and approaching my flustered fiancé, “Harry, please. I’ll do it; I’m sorry. You know how I feel about cleaning- I’m not trying to put you out or anything.”

Harry leans forward and lightly pecks my forehead, “I know; just cooperate, please. I need to get the meatloaf out of the oven so I don’t overcook it again. Just clean up in here during the next commercial.”

I smile whimsically, consumed by Harry’s natural mothering tendencies, “I’ll do it now, love. S’not like Donny’s playing of summat. Go ahead and cook; I’ll come bother you when I’m done.”

Harry scoffs and bends down to place a coaster under my beer, “Alright, hon. Also, nothing cold on the wood without coasters, please.”

I roll my eyes, this time in adoration as Harry scampers off toward the kitchen. I search for my other shoe and find it under the love-seat. I gather the other shoes, as well as my comfy slippers that are a tad embarrassing, and a jacket Harry had tossed over my favorite chair. And he gets onto me! 

I balance all of our things in my arms and carry them to the stairs. I watch my first few steps as I saunter up the large marble staircase. I always feel too lazy when I take the lift instead of the stairs. I play footie; I should be able to take the stairs in my house without complaining. Harry and I will have to hide the fact that there’s a lift in our house so they aren’t lazy all the time.

Once I’m pushing my way into Harry’s and my bedroom, nearly tripping over the rug that I’m still not used to. It’s still quite new and I forget it’s there. “Gonna kill myself one of these days,” I mumble to myself, walking toward the closet.

I drop my shoes first, pushing them back with a foot until they’re hidden among the mound of shoes I already have there. I chuckle as I glance at the other side, where Harry’s measly five pairs of shoes sit neatly. Surely he’ll be organizing mine again soon. I would feel bad; but, I know he secretly enjoys it.

I don’t toss Harry’s jacket so carelessly, though. I mistreat my own things; but, I could never dream of doing so with Harry’s.

I drape it over my arm carefully and waltz over to the unused hangers. I hear a small noise, a crinkle of a paper and turn around to find a legal size rectangular envelope on the floor. It must have fallen from Harry’s jacket and I shrug. I hang the jacket up with the rest of Harry’s coats and jumpers before bending over to gather the folded sheet of paper from the floor.

I think nothing of opening the envelope, because it never dawned on me that it could be something Harry was hiding. It’s already been open, the seal broken, and there is nothing written on it, except for

_H. STYLES_

followed by the address to Harry’s old flat.

It’s in black ink, but isn’t handwritten. The font is bold and rather professional looking. I peek through the contents and furrow my eyebrows as I pull out a scanned sheet of paper. There are lots of numbers and codes; but, I can tell that it’s definitely medical results. None of them make sense to me; but, I can’t imagine what Harry needed testing done for.

I pull out the other sheets of paper, shuffling through the first through which are images of what must be Harry’s head, the first labeled “ _CT SCAN_ ” and the second “ _MRI SCAN_ ”.

I fumble through for something that makes sense to me, but my hands are already shaking, fear taking over my body. Finally, I come across a formal letter in plain, simple English:

 

_Mr. Styles,_

_After reviewing the tests I requested, I regret to inform you that we will need to proceed with further testing as I explained was possible during your last visit. Do not panic, because there is still a chance that this tumor will not be life-threatening, or anything of the sort._

_I request that you make a follow-up appointment as soon as humanly possible so that we can get to the bottom of your health issues before your job becomes more demanding, as you informed me that it soon will._

_As I told you before, informing your loved ones should be done as you deem it appropriate, but this is a difficult, emotionally straining process to endure alone and it would be advisable to trust a close friend or relative with your situation. I know that you mentioned that you have a fiancè- perhaps he can help you through this trying time. I hate to think that you are stressing over worrying him when you need the care and attention right now._

_Please consider acquiring support and please call my office ASAP._

 

_Sincerely,_

_Dr. Zimmer_

_+44 20 5555 6547_

 

I feel hot tears sting my eyes and my bottom lip quivers anxiously. There’s no way this is real. Harry would have told me. He’s been absolute normal recently... Hasn’t he? I believe he has! It’s got to be a prank. The lads must be pulling my leg to get back at me for all the times I’ve fooled them. 

There’s only one way to find out, really. I dial the number slowly, my hands still convulsing.

After two rings, a peppy female voice fills my ear, “Dr. Zimmer’s office; this is Katrina, how may I help you?”

My mouth goes dry. If this is a prank, it’s quite an extravagant one. I’m speechless and the woman clears her throat, “Hello?”

I swallow thickly and breathe in, “This is Harry Styles; I’m calling to make a follow-up appointment.”

“Oh, Mr. Styles,” her voice sounds more dull, sad almost, “I assume your received Dr. Zimmer’s letter?”

I nod my head, feeling pools of tears well in my eyes, “Yeah, yeah I did.”

“Would you like to visit his Nottingham office again, or London this time?”

Nottingham. It’s all coming together; Harry went to Nottingham, claiming to be lunching with Gemma. That was less than a week ago. He was gone almost the entire day, but I didn’t think anything of it. I slept in and then smoked a few spliffs with Zayn and Perrie.

“A-actually, I’ll call back when I know my schedule better.”

“Oh, okay! Call back whenever you can. Sooner is better than later, Mr. Styles. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

My voice cracks, but I squeak out a, “No, thank you,” before hanging up the phone and sobbing into my arm.

 

_____

 

**HARRY’S P.O.V.**

 

I taste a small piece of the meatloaf and hum in delight at the flavor and moistness of it.

“Louis?”

There’s no response; but, there’s no way he’s actually still cleaning. I suppose he might have jumped in the shower. The lads should be here any second, though, and he knows that.

I consider going upstairs myself, but there’s still a salad to mix and potatoes to mash. So, I pick up the kitchen phone and intercom to our bedroom, “Lou, are you about ready?”

I hear a door shut and a small voice respond, “Yeah, just gonna change, babe.”

I smile to myself, “Alright. Wear that yellow v-neck I bought you.”

He chuckles and I put the phone back on the stand.

While I’m mixing the salad, my mind wanders aimlessly. Now matter how much it does that, though, it continues to return to that damned envelope. Why the hell haven’t I read it yet?

I know why, because the more I put it off, the longer I can pretend it isn’t an issue. The scans were just a routine check when I had complaints about headaches and nausea. Of course I didn’t tell Louis. He worries when I fall down on stage, or spend too long in the bathroom- there’s no way I can tell him that I haven’t been feeling well. He’d be sleepless and panicky all the time.

I really need to man up, though. If everything is normal, then I can forget this all happened and move on. If not, god forbid, I need to start treatments or have surgery before we go on tour. There’s only a week before rehearsals, so it’s mandatory that I straighten things out. I sigh and sprinkle croutons on top of the salad before placing it aside and covering it with foils. I move onto the potatoes and hear faint footsteps hopping down the stairs.

I grin solemnly and begin to mash the potatoes, adding salt and butter as needed. Suddenly, I feel familiar, strong arms wrap around my waist and lips pressing to my shoulder. I look down and spot Louis’ rope tattoo, as well as the ends of yellow sleeves, per my request. I drop the masher and turn around in Louis’ arms, immediately kissing his damp forehead, “I see you took a shower without me. That’s not very nice of you, love.”

He faintly smiles and then cuddles into my neck, breathing me in.

“Well,” I continue, “Someones particularly snuggly today.”

“Sorry for not cleaning up like you asked,” he mumbles softly, his voice weak.

“You didn’t clean up?” I could have sworn I heard him drop a few shoes on the wood.

“No,” he retorts, “I did now, but I’m sorry for giving you trouble before.”

I chuckle and kiss the top of his head, his still wet hair dampening my lips, “It’s fine, Louis. I know you hate cleaning. Thanks for doing it.”

“I take advantage of you, though. You do everything for me,” he murmurs. He sounds sad and so down on himself. I hate it.

“Hey now,” I pull away slightly, tucking my index finger under his chin and forcing him to look at me, “Don’t fret. It’s not a big deal.”

He forces a smile and gently presses his lips to mine, massaging his tongue against the roof of my mouth immediately. I kiss back instantly, groaning in delight at his sincere and passionate actions.

Our moment is cut short, though, by a beat being pounded onto our front door. We both chuckle in frustration and Louis pulls away from my body, “I’ll get it. Just know that I love you.”

I smile and coo, putting my hand behind his neck and pulling him forward once more so I can peck his cheek, “I know you do. I love you more.”

Louis grins thoughtfully and turns toward the foyer. Another loud knock fills the house, followed by Louis’ yells, “Goddammit, Niall. I’m coming!”

 

_____

 

Dinner is quite perfect; we all laughed and carried on about old times. Niall was the first to show, Zayn and Liam soon afterward.

It’s around dessert time that the conversation turns serious. It’s Liam who brings it up, “So, what’s our next move, then?”

He glances around just to make sure that we all understand what he means exactly.

I push away my empty plate that once held lemon pound cake, and pick up my glass of champagne, “Well, I’m not sure. Doesn’t it depend on Modest?”

Zayn nods and sits back in his seat, “Yeah, but we should have something set, whichever way it goes.”

“Alright, let’s think for a mo; chances are, Jason is going to keep us and allow Harry and Louis to come out; but, we all know that it will be on his terms,” Niall chimes in, “Or at least with attached terms and conditions. Let’s all agree now to have a meeting like this as soon as we get our new contracts. We can acquire lawyers, ones separate from Modest, and read all the fine print before signing.”

Everyone nods in agreement. Louis’ hand finds it’s way to my thigh and he softly squeezes, sending a tingling feeling straight to my cock.

“I suppose that’s the best plan of action,” I add, before throwing back the rest of my champagne and reaching for the bottle.

Louis shifts in his seat, clearing his throat, “Now, what if he decides not to budge?”

Leave it to Louis to be pessimistic.

“Well, obviously we’re prepared to buy our way out like we said, if that’s what you two want,” Liam responds on behalf of Zayn, Niall, and himself.

Niall follows up with, “If not, it’s safe to assume that he’ll have everyone on a tighter leash. Harry, that trip to LA will probably turn into a move to LA, and Louis, you’ll probably have to ‘get engaged’ to Eleanor.”

“Basically,” Zayn clears his throat, “The decision is whether things get better now, or down the road. Obviously, we’re at the eye of the storm. It’s calm now; but, things will get worse before they get better. It’s totally up to you guys, and Jason of course, how long it’ll take for the storm to pass.”

We sit in silence for a moment, thinking about everything. I’m also slightly distracted by Louis’ hand being so dangerously close to my dick. He’s so clingy tonight.

Niall breaks the silence, “Well, either way, we can’t make a decision until Jason decides on his end. Let’s regroup then, yeah?”

I glance around as everyone agrees.

Eventually everyone stands up- at which point it’s nearly midnight- and we take a few minutes to say our goodbyes.

 

_____

 

It’s in our bed two hours later that Louis begins to cry.

“Louis?”

I’m at a loss as to why he’s upset. Dinner was splendid and we made love after. It was slow and sweet; he insisted that I top. I opened him up slowly and he literally whimpered the entire time. I know it was as good for him as it was for me. 

So, why is he sad?

“S-sorry, H. I thought you were asleep.”

I turn around and sit up, immediately turning on the lamp next to me and pulling Louis’ limp body into my arms, “Why are you crying, Lou? Please don’t cry. You’re scaring me.”

He chokes, sobbing uncontrollably and grasping my body tightly, “You’re scaring me! I-I found that envelope, Harry. I found it in your jacket. How could you not tell me, Harry? How could you? How could you!”

It’s when he begins yelling that my heart sinks. It drops quickly and I feel my dinner rising in my throat.

If he’s this upset, it can only mean one thing.

I have a brain tumor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed this chapter <3   
> Also, you can find me on tumblr [here](http://harryisproudoflouis.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**LOUIS’ P.O.V.**

 

The next morning, Harry and I are sat in the doctor’s office, in front of a dark mahogany desk. I’m so thankful that he accepted our last minute walk-in. Harry was reluctant to bother the man; but, I called the minute his office opened this morning. In fact, I called about four times before they officially answered.

His receptionist was very understanding, though- at least after I persisted and throated enough.

So, here we are... In a private room waiting.

It’s the first time we’ve gone out openly alone together and it’s a bit upsetting how exciting it’s been. Despite the reason we’re here, it feels good to do something without a thought as to who would see us. Harry and I haven’t decided when or how we’ll come out; but, for now, just doing something normal for once, is great.

“Lou,” my mind focuses back on the present, and I immediately reach over to grasp his hand, noticing the uneasy tone of his voice, “I’m-“

He chokes and intertwines our fingers. I feel my throat constrict, and I take a deep breath. I need to be brave for him, but I don’t know if I can, “I’m scared too, Harry. I’m scared, too.”

We sit silently for a few moments, and I can’t help but to think of the worst scenarios possible.

If Harry has a cancerous brain tumor, he’ll have to undergo Chemo and probably multiple surgeries. If it’s bad enough, we’ll have to cancel our tour and that would lose us a lot of money, as well as upset our fans. Not only that, but I might have to worry about losing Harry before we even have the chance to get married. What if he dies? I can’t fathom that. The second I start to think about the possibility, my heart feels heavy and my mouth goes dry. I’ve even felt close to passing out in the past 24 hours because of these thoughts.

We didn’t sleep last night, not a wink. Instead, we laid there in each other’s arms. After a few hours, we watched some telly in an attempt to distract ourselves, knowing that sleep was an impossible feat. It was too much time to think, though, and every time Harry moved even the slightest, I held on to him tighter. He got sick in the middle of the night and I held his hair while he puked into the toilet. I never want to let him out of my sight again.

We’re both snapped out of our trances when the door opens behind us. Instinctively, Harry pulls his hand away from mine and I feel sick to my stomach that this is a natural reaction. We turn around as the doctor enters the room.

“Mr. Styles,” he shakes Harry’s hand and then turns to me, “And you must be Mr. Tomlinson; pleased to meet you. I’m Dr. Zimmer.” 

I shake his hand with a tight smile before he walks around his desk to sit down. He reaches for a file and pulls a small pair of glasses out of his lab coat pocket.

He’s an older man, probably in his sixties; but, he’s sort of attractive in a daddy kind of way. His hair isn’t completely grey yet, kind of salt and pepper. 

Harry reaches over after a minute or so passes and holds my hand again. I turn to face him and grin softly to try to reassure him, when really my mind is racing.

“So, how are you feeling, Mr. Styles?”

Harry sits up in his seat, “You can call me Harry. I’m, uh- I feel alright. I’ve been nauseous still, and a bit dizzy.”

The doctor nods as Harry talks, writing something down in a folder, “Well, there’s not much we can do before we find out more about this tumor. It’s definitely there, but that doesn’t mean that it’s harmful per se. Here’s what’s going on; whether or not the tumor is cancerous, we will need to remove it, since it’s obviously causing you physical pain and disturbances. However; due to your demanding career, I’ll give you a few options: we can either just remove the tumor now, but it would require a few weeks of intense recovery and probably even more time before you’re entirely ready to perform and travel. It’s a demanding surgery on your body.”

He glances between Harry and I, waiting for any questions we might have. We don’t say anything and I can’t bring myself to look at Harry yet.

“The other option is to see exactly what we’re dealing with before rushing the surgery. We can do a biopsy and test the sample to see if it’s necessary to remove it immediately. This would allow you to tour as normal if your tumor is benign. However, like I said before, you will need it removed either way at some point. If it is benign, we can put the surgery off until there is a longer break. Now, you will need to go through some Chemotherapy either way, as well. If your tumor is not cancerous, it will only be preventative; but, it is necessary.”

I swallow thickly and finally brave up enough to look at Harry and I immediately wish I hadn’t. He’s tearing up and his cheeks are cherry red, as he nods slowly.

“Doc,” I squeak, “Can you give us a mo?”

Dr. Zimmer removes his glasses and places them on his desk, “Absolutely; I’ll be in the next room over so just holler when you’re ready for me to come back or have any questions.”

I nod as he stands up and swiftly leaves the room, gently patting Harry’s shoulder on his way out. Once the door is shut, I pull my hand away and grab under my chair so that I can turn it to face Harry better. Then, I lean over and pull his chair to do the same. His head hangs low and he begins to fully cry. Really, that’s all I want to do right now; but, I know that I already scared him enough by my reaction last night.

“Harry,” I gather both of his hands in mine, our knees knocking together, but he’s still looking down, “Baby, look at me, please.”

He looks up slowly, meeting my eyes with his lips parted and breathing faltering. 

“C’mere, love,” I pat my thighs and reach over to tug at Harry’s forearms. 

He sniffs and finally stands up, sitting sideways on my lap, “I don’t know what to do, Louis. Tell me what to do. I’m so scared; so so scared.”

He continues to cry and it breaks my heart right in two. I pull his head down to lay on my shoulder and kiss his forehead repeatedly, “Everything is going to be okay, babe. I know that’s so fucking cliché, but I’m serious. I’ll do whatever I have to to make sure you’re perfectly alright.”

He doesn’t say anything; just cuddles into my neck, so I squeeze his thigh, “Okay?”

He nods slowly, obviously just to make me happy. I see right through him, though. Just like always. I place my hands on either side of his face and press our foreheads together, “Harry, I mean it. We’re going to figure out the best thing for you. We’ll work this out and you’ll get better.”

He leans into my touch and sighs, “You don’t know that.”

He’s right; I don’t, “I have faith, though, and a lot of motivation.”

He barely grins and it quickly fades; but, I catch it, “There’s my fiancé; I knew you were in there somewhere.”

He scoffs quietly and surges froward to force our lips together. It’s a chaste, but emotional kiss. It ends fairly quickly, too. He nuzzles his nose against my cheek and breathes deeply, “I love you, Lou. Thanks for coming with me.”

I grin and kiss is cheek, “I love you, too, hon. You know I’ll be by your side no matter what.”

He nods more affirmatively than before, clutching the collar of my shirt, “So, I guess the practical thing is to see what’s in my head before making any rash decisions.”

I nod in agreement, “But, if it’s even slightly dangerous; it’s coming out. I’m not going to let you suffer through a tour like Niall had to with his knee last time. We’ve all decided not to deal with management’s shit anymore and this is one of those instances. We’re going to make sure you’re okay, babe.”

He nods again, sighing in defeat, “Well, let’s get the doctor in here and figure out the rest of it, yeah? Then, I want to go home and watch something really funny.”

I smile fondly, pecking his lips shortly, “Sounds like a plan. I’ll even make you lunch.”

He laughs and I roll my eyes, “Okay, maybe I’ll heat you up some leftovers from last night.”

He grins and bites his lip, approving of anything that doesn’t involve me cooking. After a few more seconds, he stands up and walks toward the door while I readjust our chairs to face Dr. Zimmer’s desk.

Harry sits back down after calling for the doctor and a minute later Dr. Zimmer returns, clipboard in hand. He sits down once more and repositions his papers.

“So,” Harry speaks confidently, “I’m going to do the biopsy first. I want to know more details, though. I’ll need time frames and side effects and everything.”

The doctor nods, pulling a sheet of paper from the clipboard and sliding it toward us, “Here is a sheet that discusses the procedure for the biopsy. We might keep you in the hospital overnight; but, chances are it will be outpatient. Now,” he pulls another few sheets of paper out, “For later on, this packet prepares you for Chemotherapy. Now, the risks and side effects of Chemo include fatigue, pain, nausea, hair loss, appetite loss, possible reproductive issues-“

“Wait,” Harry interrupts, “Reproductive issues? So, like... There’s the chance that I can’t have my own children?”

Knowing that the possibility of not fathering our children is his main concern, pulls at my heart strings. He’ll most likely lose his hair and he’s worried about our future children not being directly related to him. It hurts to think of our family being faltered before it begins.

“Well, yes; there is that chance. However, there are always other options. I presume you intend to impregnate a surrogate mother and if that is the case, your fiance can always be the donor,” Dr. Zimmer pauses, but notices Harry’s pained expression, “Also, you can store sperm for possible future before starting Chemo, in case it becomes an issue.”

Harry nods slowly, taking it all in. He’s too young and happy to have this weight on him. I know, of course, that if it were necessary, Harry would love our children even if they were all directly related to me, or if we had to adopt. But, I know it would always be in the back of his mind: that he could have had a little boy or girl that looked just like him, all green eyes and curls. It honestly hurts me as well to imagine it.

“All of this, though,” Dr. Zimmer continues, “Is nothing to worry about yet. Focus on the biopsy procedure first. I would like to schedule it as soon as possible, so that the results are back quickly.”

I reach over and squeeze Harry’s thigh just above his knee, speaking for him, “Yeah, when’s the first available time?”

He glances at the computer in front of him, clicking a few things, “I can be there early and take care of it tomorrow. Is that alright for you?”

I don’t dare to confirm _that_ for Harry, looking to him for a response instead. He nods a bit, not actually speaking.

“So, be at the hospital at five o’clock. The address and floor number is all on this reminder sheet. Don’t eat anything past midnight and make sure not to have any metal, perfume or dyes on your skin.”

Harry simply nods sadly again, and I confirm that I’ll make sure all of that is done properly, taking the papers from Dr. Zimmer as he hands them to me.

“Don’t get yourself down, Harry. We’ll take care of this,” Dr. Zimmer stands and reaches over to shake our hands again, “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

We stand and follow the doctor out of his office. He leads us back to the service elevator we had taken to be inconspicuous, and says his final goodbyes as we enter the lift. We’re silent most of the way down until Harry leans in a daze on my shoulder, “I guess it’s time to call our mum’s and the lads.”

I sigh softly, “S’up to you, babe. Don’t feel like you _have_ to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

He pecks my neck and stands up as the lift comes to a stop, “Maybe it can just be me and you tomorrow.”

I nod and kiss his cheek before the doors open, revealing a small crowd that had formed in the lobby. We get through fairly quickly and climb into the back of the town car waiting for us out front.

Once inside, Harry immediately reaches for my hand and leans over to whisper in my ear, “Now take me home and distract me with your tongue, yeah? Don’t know how long it’ll be until we can truly fuck again. Better make it good.”

He winks and I gasp as he runs his hand along my pelvis slowly, grazing his fingertips over the fabric of my jeans. My mouth goes dry and I smack my lips, “Yeah; yeah, okay. Anything you want, love.”

When we get home, I eat him out slowly while his hands are pressed up against the back of our front door. He comes with his hand on his cock and his jeans at his knees, before I heat up last night’s dinner as promised. However, by the time we go upstairs to put something “really funny” on, Harry’s groping my ass and begging to be fucked. And really, who am I to deny him of that?

Everything’s going to be fine. At least, that’s what I tell myself that entire night when I’m lying awake as Harry sleeps soundly on my chest.

_He’s going to be okay._


	5. Chapter 5

**HARRY’S P.O.V.**

 

Louis drives to the hospital in the morning, holding my hand in silence the entire way. I don’t know what to say, but Louis always seems to.

“Talk to me, Lou,” I squeeze his hand and look over at his tired expression. He has a scalding cup of tea sitting between us, but he hasn’t touched it yet.

“What do you want to talk about, H?” I can tell he’s trying to seem carefree.  Neither of us slept, though, and it’s starting to catch up with us both.

“I don’t know. I just want to hear your voice. Tell me a story,” my request makes me feel childish, but I really just want him to say something, anything, to soothe me.

“Alright, here goes,” he rests our hands on my thigh and takes a quick breath, “Once upon a time there were two boys. The older boy, let’s call him Logan, was head over heels the moment he saw the younger, and we’ll call him Henry. So, Logan tried these cheesy pick-up lines and felt his heart flutter when they worked. They fell in love way too quickly, and didn’t give it a second thought. To be honest, the two were quite opposites, but  Henry found Logan very charming and exciting-“

“Exciting, eh? I suppose so. Full of himself? Absolutely,” I chuckle.

“Oh, you wouldn’t know, since you’ve never heard the story, yeah?” he grins and turns his focus to the road again, “Anyway, they moved in together and it was the proudest moment of Logan’s life. He was so scared of fucking it up, though, because Henry was just way out of his league. So, he tried to do everything he could to keep Henry around; he’d lay down his own life if it meant he never lived a day without Henry. Now, don’t get me wrong, shit was hard. No one wanted them to be together, and their job made their relationship practically impossible. Only, their love was always stronger than that.”

There’s a glint in Louis’ eye and I know he didn’t intend to get emotional. I’ve already started crying. Well, I haven’t really stopped crying since about four o’clock this morning when I last threw up. But, I’m glad I have Louis there for me during my nausea now.

“Their love was the most important part of their lives, even though it didn’t always seem like it. They loved their jobs, but they loved each other more. They loved their friends, but they still loved each other more. They loved each other so much that they made a promise to be together for the rest of their lives. Logan got this sick house and surprised Henry and it was really fucking romantic,” I laugh through my tears, bringing our intertwined hands up to my lips and kissing his knuckles, “And then Henry got sick-“

“I think I can take it from here,” I interrupt, “Henry got sick and he was terrified of telling- Logan, was it?” Louis nods, smiling solemnly, “So, he didn’t tell him for a while, and it was the most difficult thing Henry has ever dealt with. He’ll regret waiting to tell Logan for the rest of his life-“ I shake my head and try not to cry any harder, “Louis, I should have told you from the beginning; I’m so sorry. I feel right shit about it. I can’t go back and do this surgery knowing that I haven’t properly apologized for it all.”

“Shhh; There’s nothing to apologize for. Of course I would have liked to know, but only so I could be there for you. You’re allowed to be a little selfish at a time like this. I don’t blame you for how you reacted; I just wish you wouldn’t have been afraid to tell me,” Louis pulls into the parking garage and the realization of it all truly hits me.

“Since we’re being honest; I’m afraid right now. I’m scared of the procedure, and I’m scared of the results. I can’t deal with this, Lou. I can’t-“

As soon as the car is in park, Louis’ seatbelt is off and he’s gathering me in his arms, “Yes, you can. I’m here and you’re going to be alright. I’m joing to do everything within my power to keep you safe and sound, yeah?”

I nod, even though I know there’s only so much that Louis can do. There was a time when I saw Louis as my all-powerful savior, but this time, no one can truly keep me from what’s to come.

“You know, you didn’t really let me finish the story, love,” Louis grins as I lay my head on his shoulder.

“So, after Henry got better, everything else seemed to get better. Everyone realized that their public image wasn’t all that important in the scheme of things. They got married and had three beautiful kids, whose names are still under review, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.”

I chuckle and wipe the remaining tears from my cheeks, “A man can dream, right?”

“Hey,” he lifts my chin slightly with his finger, “It’s going to happen. That’s how our story is going to end; I promise.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep,” it comes out more rude than I intended, but I think he understands how I’m feeling.

He huffs, “Today will be fine, yeah? We’re just going to figure out how bad it is, s’all. We’ll go from there. One thing at a time.”

I nod slowly and look out of the driver’s window. The parking garage is nearly empty, only a few other parked cars scattered around.

“H, it’s five. We should go in, alright?” Louis’ voice is soft, begging me to remain calm.

I only nod again before opening my door and stepping out to feel a crisp breeze coming through the small cutouts in the concrete. I shiver, and Louis hustles over, removing the hoodie of mine he’s wearing, “Here, babe. Wear this until you have to change. Then I want it back.”

I take the jacket from him and hold it in one hand, feeling something surge through me that I can’t exactly explain. It’s like immense appreciation that can’t be projected through words. Knowing that this could be the last moment we have alone before I’m put under warrants this need to be close to Louis. I take him by surprise, wrapping my arms around him waist, and backing him slowly against the car.

“Harry-“ I press my body against his, licking my lips as I feel his breath against them, “Harry, someone could see us.”

“Let them,” I close the distance between our mouths in a mere second, kissing him passionately, savoring every moment of our embrace. I pull away and grind my hips into him, so that he’s pinned against the car, “You were right; there’s so much that’s important to us, but nothing is more important _than_ us. After this, Lou, I want to come out. I mean it, I want to really be with you. This whole bullshit sickness could take my life, and if I never get to hold your hand in public, then what was my life good for anyway.”

Louis is speechless, but his breathing is still ragged against my lips. I kiss him again, and he kisses back with more fire and emotion than ever before. This time he breaks the kiss, “Are you sure? I don’t want you to rush-“

“No, fuck it. We’re doing this, okay? We’ll have a dinner with the boys and our families and we’ll tell them everything. It’s happening,” I kiss him one last time and step back, leaving him to lean against the car as I pull on the sweater I don’t exactly need anymore. My adrenaline has fixed the temperature problem. I reach out for Louis’ hand and he takes it after only a moment of thought. We walk hand-in-hand all the way through the garage and the lobby to the front desk. When we approach the desk, the nurse looks up, startled, “Good morning, Mr. Styles. I will let Dr. Zimmer you are here, and I’ll just need you to fill out this final paperwork.”

She forces a grin, standing up to hand me a clipboard, and most likely to confirm that we really were holding hands. I smile back widely and glance over to Louis, who is nervously gnawing at his lip, “Thanks, we’ll just wait over here.”

She nods and picks up the phone on her desk, pressing three buttons before we step away and find chairs in the empty waiting area.

“Isn’t it weird how she already knew which Doctor you were here for?” Louis’ hand feels clammy, not that I care.

I shrug, “I’m sure she recognized my name on the schedule. She can’t say anything- Doctor/Patient confidentiality and all.”

I fill out the paperwork with one hand, not ever wanting to let Louis’ go. We wait for about five minutes after I’m done before a nurse appears through a sliding glass door, “Mr. Styles, we are ready for you in pre-op.”

I feel the blood leave my face, and I know I must be as white as a sheet. I look at Louis with pleading eyes, though there’s nothing he can do. I turn to the nurse and begin to stand up, Louis’ hand still intertwined with mine, “Can my fiancé come with me?”

She smiles genuinely and nods, waving us toward her, “Of course. He just can’t go past pre-op.”

I nod in relief, pulling Louis along toward the door that seems so fucking intimidating to me. I just have to get this over with. I have so much to look forward to afterward.

 

 

**LOUIS’ P.O.V.**

 

I wish pre-op lasted much longer than it did. I’ve just seen Harry leave, being pushed back in a gurney, and it was terrifying, even though I know he’ll be fine today. It’s just the idea that this could be our lives from now on: hospitals, surgeries, tears.

I’m holding a plastic bag with Harry’s things inside. I have his clothes, shoes, cell phone, and wallet. He asked for a moment alone just after Dr. Zimmer came to talk to us about details. I laid next to him and let him nuzzle into my neck. I whispered to him about all the great things we’ll be able to do together and our future. That seemed to encourage him. It’s as if our relationship is his motivation to survive. 

Dr. Zimmer expects the procedure to take about four hours, and then Harry will most likely stay overnight to monitor his vitals. He has ensured that we will have a private room and a cot waiting for me. 

I walk out of pre-op and make my way into the waiting room closest to the operating room. I pull on Harry’s hoodie and wrap my arms around myself, laying down and trying to get comfortable. Once I do, I come to the realization that there’s no way in hell I will be able to sleep. Instead, I simply lay there, staring at the silent and unfamiliar children’s cartoon on the telly. I lay in a daze for god knows how long, until I start to get restless.

I look at my phone to find that it’s only nine o’clock, meaning Harry has only been back for two hours. I can’t stop myself from thinking about exactly what is happening to him right now. They had to shave a part of his hair and drill a small hole through his head to get to the tumor. That’s the reason it takes so long; they have to be precise and careful. It’s almost physically painful for me to imagine what he looks like right now, laying flat on an operating table. I push those thoughts out of my mind and decide that I need to distract myself. I grab my phone and dial for my mum.

“Hello, boo. What on earth are you doing awake?”

She sounds tired, but the familiarity of her voice is comforting.

“Just couldn’t sleep and missed you. How is everyone?”

“They’re all well,” I can hear her smile through the phone, “How are you and H?”

“We’re actually really good, mum,” which is the honest truth. Harry and I are stronger than we’ve ever been, “We actually want to have a proper dinner party this weekend. Are you able to come on Sunday?”

“Of course, dear. We’d all enjoy that. Is it just us, then?”

“Well, no,” I consider my words wisely, “It’ll be Harry’s family as well, and the lads.”

“Sounds important. Will we be discussing wedding plans?”

“Harry will hope so,” I chuckle, “It’ll be casual, though, so just come as you are.”

She shrieks in laughter, “Trust me, my ratty old pi’s are not suitable for anything outside of this house, my love.”

I smile sadly to myself, wishing I could just tell my mum everything. I always do and she always knows what to say. I can talk to her after Harry is ready to tell everyone. Hopefully that’s still this weekend.

“Are you alright, Lou?”

“Yeah,” I gulp, “I’m perfectly fine. I’ve got to go, though. I’ll text you details about Sunday later on when Harry’s awake.”

I laugh dryly to myself, because Harry really is sleeping, and hopefully he’s sleeping hard.

“Alright, and you’ll tell me what’s wrong then. Love you, bug. Have a great day and give Harry our love.”

“Love you too, mum. Talk later. Hugs to the family.”

I hang up before she can inquire anymore. I know she’s suspicious of something and usually she doesn’t rest until she has answers.

My thoughts are interrupted by a small voice in the doorway, “Mr. Tomlinson?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow sorry for taking forever...


	6. Chapter 6

_unedited, of course_

**HARRY’S P.O.V.**  
  
My eyes flutter open, but the light is much too bright, and I quickly shut them again. I can hear beeping of machines, as well as my own breathing. That’s comforting at least.

I open my mouth to speak, but only a few grunts come out. I’m about to begin to panic, but a hand is instantly on mine, and the touch is more familiar than anything.

“Lou?” At least I think that’s how it comes out. Either way, he squeezes my hand gently.

“Hi love,” his voice soft, “How do you feel?”

I relax my eyes, trying once again to open them. This time I succeed, bearing through the splitting pain in my head, which isn’t helped by the lights.

“Okay, I guess,” I try to look at him, but the lights aren’t allowing me to focus on anything, “Can we turn some of the lights off, though?”

He hums and starts to pull away, but someone else interrupts, “I’ll get it, honey.”  
 _Mum_?

My heart begins to race, a deep twinge of guilt in my stomach.

“Louis-“ I begin, but he cuts me off, leaning down to capture my lips in the softest kiss I’ve ever experienced.

“I know, H,” he brushes his thumb over my hand, “I know you wanted to tell her in your own time, but-“

“But, what? Was that such a crazy thing for me to ask?” I feel as though I might cry, and it’s only making my head hurt worse. I can’t help it, though. Tears start to run down my cheeks, my head pounding from the pressure.

“Harry, dear,” my mum joins me on the opposite side of Louis, “Louis had to tell me, because the doctor’s were worried that you were losing too much blood. Don’t fret, though, because we just want you to be okay. That’s all that matters right now.”

I understand; I do, but that doesn’t make it easier to live with. My mum is probably thinking that I didn’t want to tell her at all, and that has to be hurtful.

“Harry, I didn’t have an option. You know that I always want to respect your wishes, but when they needed a family member, I knew that you’d prefer your mum to anyone else, yeah?” Louis sounds tired and strained.

The lights are turned low, and I’m finally able to see what’s around me. I’m in a small hospital room, a tiny telly hanging on the wall, two chairs, and a couch circling me. I glance up at Louis, noticing his tired eyes, weighed down with dark circles, and his furrowed brow.

I begin to think of something to respond with when my mum sits down on the edge of my bed, adjusting my blankets, “And don’t worry about me, love. Mummy’s here to take care of you, and I’m not upset with you. I know how hard this has been, and I’m just thankful that you’ve got Louis and that you’re alright. Honest, my feelings aren’t hurt.”

I sigh, glancing over at her, “Thank you, mum. I’m sorry, though. I wanted to wait until I found out how bad it was. I should have just told you. I was just scared; Still am, if I’m honest.”

“You’ve got a right to be, sweetheart,” Louis responds, holding my hand close to his chest, “But, you’ve got  high hopes and plenty of support, as well.”

I nod solemnly, suddenly realizing just how exhausted I am. I close my eyes slowly, mumbling under my breath, “I love you both.”

I drift off as Louis starts to ask me something about ice chips.  
  


 

**LOUIS’ P.O.V.**   
  


Harry is sound asleep again, and it’s nice to have been able to hear his voice. He’s doing well according to Doctor Zimmer. Thankfully, they were able to salvage most of the lost blood and safely return it to his body without any complications. He’ll just have to stay longer than expected to be monitored.  
In the end, though, I’m still glad that Anne is here. We’ve taken turns with short naps, but I can’t sleep much either way.

“Thank you again for calling me, Lou,” she returns from the coffee shop downstairs, handing me a cup of tea, “I’m sure it was a difficult decision to make.”

I shrug, scooting over on the couch to make room for her. We speak in hushed voices, the telly playing softly in the background. It always seems to help Harry sleep.

“It wasn’t really,” I admit, “When they told me that he was in potential danger, I didn’t hesitate to call you. For the record, whether or not the doctor’s had told me to, I would have called you if something went wrong.”

She rests her head on my shoulder as we both glance over at the sleeping man in the hospital bed, “I know, Louis. I trust you with my son; Always have, always will.”

I lean my head against hers comfortably, taking a sip of my tea, which is just how I like it.

“I can’t believe how quickly you boys grew up. It feels like yesterday that you two were begging me to let H live with when he was seventeen. Now you’re getting married, and being responsible, and starting a family of your own. I just-“

Anne tears up, covering her face with one hand. I wrap my arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a tight hug, “He’s going to be alright, yeah? I promise, I won’t let anything happen to him.”

“Oh, honey,” she chuckles, sniffling, “I wish it were that simple. I know that right now, it seems like you’re young and invincible. Sometimes, though, life takes the reigns and we don’t have any control over it.”

We sit in silence for a bit, my trying not to cry is overwhelming, and my eyes burn like hell.

“Louis, you know,” she adds, “It’s so beautiful to see how much you still love each other.”

I whisper softly, “I’ll never stop, Anne. He’s my whole world.”  
  


 **HARRY’S P.O.V.**  
  
When I wake up again, I feel much better, and a lot less disoriented. I sit up, leaning against the pillows that are propped up, and see my mum and Louis fast asleep on the couch, leaning against each other. I grin contently to myself and look around for the telly remote, because the channel that was on earlier is now just playing infomercials.

There is a remote attached to my bed, which controls the bed, the telly, and apparently can call for a nurse. I smack my lips a couple times and decide that I’m in desperate need of something to drink. I press the nurse’s button and what patiently, skipping through channels.

Just after I excitedly land on a station that is play reruns of “Friends”, there is a light knock on the door, and an older petite woman in green scrubs is walking in, cheery smile on her face. She notices my mum and Louis, and remains quiet.

“Good evening, Mr. Styles. You must be quite well-rested by now,” she immediately walks over to the machine that was beeping earlier, writing down some of the numbers on a clipboard, “How are you feeling?”

I shrug, “I feel alright, honestly. I’m quite thirsty, though. Am I allowed to eat yet?”

She giggles, walking over to the sink and washing her hands, “Not solid food yet. We don’t want you getting sick off of the anesthesia now, do we?”

I shake my head, “How much longer until it wears off completely? I’m starting to get hungry.”

“You can have some juice, and I think I’ve got some Italian ice, but no solid food until tomorrow morning, love,” she reaches behind me and straightens out my pillows.

I nod, asking for some water and Italian ice. She leaves the room for about a minute and returns with both, “Here, I’ll help you with the ice; It’s extremely frozen.”

I chuckle at that, “Isn’t ice meant to be particularly frozen?”

“Oh, we have a smart one here, don’t we?” she teases, removing the foil seal and gathering a first bite. It’s cold on my tongue, and feels so refreshing.

“So,” she nods toward my sleeping mother and finance, “This is your family, then?”

I smile fondly as I watch them, “Part of it. You could say that I’ve got quite an extended family. But, that’s my mum and-“

I catch myself, and think twice before continuing. She isn’t allowed to release information about me being here, though, so I think I’m safe. Besides, maybe I’m hoping that she will tell someone. I’m finally able to brag about Louis, and I plan on doing that whenever possible.

“And that’s my fiancé. We’ve been together for almost four years now,” I take the next bite of Italian ice as she grins kindly.

Just saying that out loud, to a complete stranger, feels like some kind of weight off of my chest. It’s as though I can be proud in my own skin, proud of being myself.

“That’s wonderful; quite a long time for a couple your age. That’s really admirable,” she adds.  
I stare at Louis’ calm face, “Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do without him, if I’m honest.”

She hands me a cup of water, holding the straw for me, “Well, don’t forget that feeling. Don’t ever let the day-to-do blind you from that single, genuine love. In the scheme of things, your happiness is all that matters. You can lose lots of things, and still be happy; but, without love in your life, everything you do is pointless.”

She has a point there that I don’t thinks she even intended. Being a part of One Direction has been such a blessing, and such an incredible experience, but in the big picture, my life with Louis is really the source of my lifelong happiness.

“Yeah, thank you. I’ll remember that,” I honestly tell her, ”It’s good advice.”

I’m able to eat the rest of my Italian ice on my own while watching the telly, even though I’ve seen this episode a thousand times.

“My name is Carly, love; just press that button again if you need anything at all,” she begins to walk toward the door, only I stop her.

“Wait, really quickly,” she turns around and walks back into the room, “Can you go into that hospital bag and get my phone out?”

She nods, quietly reaching into the plastic bag carrying my things, and retrieving my cell phone. She hands it to me and makes sure I’m all set otherwise before leaving, closing the door behind her.

My phone is off, probably done by Louis to save the battery, so I hold the button down and wait for it to turn on. Once it is, I slide up for the camera and turn the flash on. I sit as far up as I can and snap a quick picture of two of my favorite people cuddled up on the couch together.

Because in the end, these are the things that are worth cherishing.  
  


**LOUIS’ P.O.V.**

  
I wake up to a crashing noise. Sitting up abruptly, I take a moment to gather where I am. I’m still on the couch, but Anne is gone. I sit up straight, and look over to find Harry sleeping, only he’s trashing on the bed, crying quietly. The remote is on the floor along with his phone.

“Harry,” I rush to his side, and begin to gently stroke his arm, “Baby, wake up. I’m right here.”

He doesn’t fully wake up yet, instead holding my arms and pulling me closer to him with his eyes still shut. I mutter nonsense as I climb in next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“Lou, please tell me it’s you,” his hands are shaking as they run along my body, feeling along my hips and thighs.

“It’s me, sweetheart. I’m here; talk to me. Everything is okay,” I assure him, placing kisses against his shoulder and his face. I trail my hand down my own body until I’m gathering his hand in mine, resting them on my leg.

Harry’s breathing is ragged, and he tries, but fails to turn onto his side. He hisses in pain, abandoning his attempt to hug me. He squeezes my hand tightly and closes his eyes tight.

I sit up next to him, speechless and helpless. He opens his eyes and notices my worry.

“I’m okay,” he comforts me, taking in a few deep breaths, “I just had a nightmare and forgot where I was for a bit. I’m okay; the pain isn’t that bad.”

I lean over him, still holding his hand, pulling it close to my heart, “I’m going to get a nurse; I’m sure you can have some more pain meds soon, love. You’re uncomfortable-“

“No,” Harry protests, gasping, “Please, just stay here. With me.”

I shake my head, pulling away slightly, “Harry, I’m not leaving; I just need-“

“No! Louis, just stay here. Right here, please,” Harry pulls me back to the bed weakly, and I can’t exactly deny him of anything right now, which is why it’s so difficult for me to let him remain in pain. We lay in silence for about ten minutes before he begins to explain.

“I’m scared that I’ll fuck up again, Lou,” he simply states.

Confused, I scoot closer to him, my mouth inches from his neck, “What does that have to do with anything?”

Harry gulps, “I don’t want to take anymore meds for now; I get addicted easily. I don’t want to hurt you.”

I sigh, understanding a little better now, “Harry, I can’t watch you suffer in pain because you’re afraid of disappointing me. I’d rather you be comfortable. We have to take each day as it comes, Harry. You can’t control everything,” I think back to what Anne had said, “I can’t control things.”

“Yeah, I know; but, I also can’t ruin the best thing in my life,” Harry adds, skimming his fingers through my hair.

“You won’t, Harry. At this point, I just want you to be okay. That’s it, love,” I peck his cheek, and he turns his head slightly.

“Okay, you can get the nurse, only on one condition,” he smirks, even though I can see the tears pooling in his eyes.

“Anything, babe,” I roll my eyes playfully.

“Kiss me,” he purses his lips dramatically, and I surge forward. His lips are dry and cracked, but there are still no other lips that I’d rather kiss.

“Knock, knock,” Anne enters the room, covering her face teasingly, “Is it safe to look?”

“Yes,” I answer, kissing his lips briefly one last time, “Was just bribing him with kisses is all.”

She grins and holds up two Starbucks bags, and a carrier with three cups, “Cheers! H can eat real food!”


	7. Chapter 7

**LOUIS’ P.O.V.**  
  
Harry is discharged from the hospital the next day, but Anne insists on staying with us for the rest of the week. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that she’s here, and I know that she’s going to be a great help, but Harry and I value what little true alone time we get. It’s not like I plan on doing anything sexual, but just cuddling in bed all day watching telly was my idea recovery time.  
  
But, it is Harry’s recovery, not mine. I suppose his mum will cook better food for him than I would be able to manage. Besides, I’m sure she’ll give us some alone time. With the new tour slowly approaching, I’m just not sure how much more relaxation we’re going to get.  
  
“Alright,” Anne begins commandeering our lives the moment we walk through our front door, “You go get Harry to bed, and I’ll get supper started.”  
  
I wrap my arm around Harry, who is perfectly capable of walking on his own, and lead him to the stairs.  
  
“We’re never getting rid of her, I’m afraid,” Harry whispers to me once we’re out of range.  
  
I smirk and kiss his cheek, “Don’t worry, love. We don’t have any groceries, so if she’s cooking, she’ll have to shop first.”  
  
Harry grins sleepily, his eyes drooping slightly, “Perfect. I want it to be just me and you for right now.”  
  
I open the door to our bedroom and rush ahead of Harry, placing his bag down at the end of our bed. I hurry to his side of the bed and remove the decorative pillows that the maid must have put back, throwing them onto the floor. I adjust his pillows just the way he likes them and then pull the sheets down enough for him to get in.  
  
“Hold on, Lou,” Harry laughs as I scurry around, “I think I want to shower first or something. I feel gross.”  
  
“Right,” I should have known that. He’s been in a hospital bed for more than a full day, “I’ll draw us a bath, then?”  
  
Harry grins and nods his head furiously, “That sounds perfect.”  
  
....  
  
After I help Harry into the tub, which he’s irritated by, I slip in behind him, immediately pulling him back close to my chest. He rolls his head back so that he’s resting it against my shoulder. I can easily notice the small bald spot where they shaved his hair for the procedure. It breaks my heart, not because it makes him less beautiful, but because it’s a reminder of his being broken.  
  
Or possibly broken. We still don’t have the results back. We have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Zimmer in two days, and there’s nothing we can do but wait until then.  
  
“Is it noticeable?” he practically whispers, and I know exactly what he means.  
  
“Is what noticeable?” I ask as I run my hands up and down his arms.  
  
“You know what,” and I can’t see him roll his eyes, but I’m pretty sure he does.  
  
“No, Harry,” I sigh, “It’s really not.”  
  
“It is,” he retorts, sniffling in the process.  
  
“It isn’t, and you’re just going to wear your silly hats regardless,” I tease, cupping warm water in my hands and letting it fall down his chest.  
  
He chuckles at that, and I’m relieved because he’s been unpredictable lately, “It all just sucks, Lou. This is the worst timing. Everything has been so perfect,” he pauses and twists his neck to face me better, “You’ve been perfect.”  
  
I softly smile, my lips parted barely as Harry’s eyes drift down to them, and then back to my eyes, “I’ll be anything you need me to be. I can manage perfect every now and then.”  
  
Harry scoffs and presses his lips to mine in the same breath. It’s a kiss that is hard to explain; because it isn’t because either of us wanted it, we just needed it. It was a kiss of comfort, of desire, and of necessity.  
  
Harry moves quicker than expected, straddling my lap before I can even process what’s happening. His tongue is gliding against my bottom lip, and his hands are tugging at my hair.  
  
“Love,” I pull back, quickly kissing his neck and collarbones so that he doesn’t feel rejected, “Let’s clean up and take this to the bed, okay? Don’t want to push you too far when you’re still recovering.”  
  
“But, I’m fine-“ Harry fights me, but I silence him with my lips, whispering against them softly.  
  
“Don’t argue with me; I just want to be safe. It’ll be better in bed anyway,” I wink.  
  
He pouts, but sits back down between my legs, resting his hands on my knees, “Alright, let’s just make this bath quick.”  
  
.....  
  
After carefully washing Harry’s hair, and thoroughly washing his body, he’s fully hard and impatient with me. His hair isn’t even remotely dry when he lays down in bed, his skin glistening and damp.  
  
“Louis, if you make me wait for one more second, I’m just going to wank in front of you for a week straight,” Harry practically growls, laying on top of the sheets with his hand on his cock.  
  
I give up on my protests the moment I see him desperate like that, dropping my towel on the floor, and crawling toward him on the mattress, “Okay, but we’re doing this my way, and if you don’t listen to me, then I’m going to leave you here all day,” I lower my body over his, my breath on his lips, “Hard and alone.”  
  
Harry’s body flinches at that, his hips lifting off of the bed to meet mine.  
  
“You understand?” I question, lifting my hips up, despite how difficult it is for me as well.  
  
“Yeah,” he breathes out desperately, “I promise; just please-“  
  
My expression softens entirely as Harry pleads with me, “I’m always going to take care of you, babe. Just be still and relax, okay?”  
  
Harry nods, his eyes fluttering shut as I grind my hips down into his, our cocks rubbing roughly against each other. I press my lips to his cheeks, one at a time, before working down his chest to the birds tattooed there. “Love this ink, love. So special,” I whisper into his skin, breathing in the scent of soap and just Harry.  
  
“Just for you,” Harry chokes out, his breathing faulting as I move farther down. Before either of us is aware, I am laid on my stomach between his legs.  
  
“Just going to suck you off tonight, H. Want you to be all better before I fuck you properly,” I tell him as kiss along his quivering thighs.  
  
“No, Lou, I’m okay. Please, just- Just make love to me. It doesn’t have to be rough, yeah?” His begging always gets to me, and I suppose he’s right. If I go slow, then it won’t be any more harsh than a blowjob.  
  
“Okay, just be good, yeah?” I agree, before licking a strip along the underside of his thick cock. He acknowledges my orders by whimpering as I take him in my mouth.  
  
He listens, though, keeping his hips still. I suck on the head for a while, dipping my tongue into his slit, tasting him on my tongue immediately. I hum in delight, using my hand to caress his balls gently. He moans scandalously, and when I look up through my eyelashes, he’s clasping his hand over his mouth.  
  
I remove my mouth, licking up and down once more before moving back up to Harry’s chest, “You better stay quiet, kitten, you don’t want your mum to hear us.”   
  
That only makes Harry whimper more as I sit my arse back on his thighs, reaching over to the nightstand drawer. I remove the bottle of lube, drizzling a bit on three of my fingers.  
  
Harry watches me intently, his hands spanning across my thighs easily, “So, how do you want me, Lou? On my stomach? Hands and knees?”  
  
I shake my head distantly, “No, stay where you are.”  
  
Harry nods, beginning to spread his legs a bit, only stopping when he sees me sit up on my knees. I twist my arm behind my back, spreading a significant amount of lube over my hole before pressing in the first finger.  
  
“Oh,” Harry whispers, moving his hands to cup my ass, spreading my cheeks apart and kneading his fingers into my skin.  
  
I throw my head back, closing my eyes tight as I try to memorize the way his hands feel on me. They’re always so great, large compared to any part of my body, even when my thighs were much larger. It’s just one more reason why we’re the perfect match.  
  
I open myself quickly, impatient and unable to watch Harry frantically trying to stay still anymore.  
  
“Ready?” I ask and Harry practically scoffs at that, grabbing the lube and applying it to his own cock. After he’s done, I swat his hand away, grasping him in my own instead. I roll my hips back, allowing his dick to slide deliciously between my arse. I lift up onto my knees again, holding him tight behind me as I slowly lower myself onto him.  
  
“Fuck...” Harry drags out, biting on his lip. I rest my hands on his shoulders, balancing myself and feeling his muscles contract at the same time, as he holds my hips and guides me down slowly.  
  
“Full; so good, Harry,” I gasp out, my bum seated on his thighs now. He nods, silently telling me how good it feels for him as well. Once I adjust, I begin to roll my hips in circles, allowing him to get deeper and deeper before pulling up. Harry’s left hand finds mine, and he intertwines our fingers, gripping my hand tightly as he tries to stay quiet. I bring our hands to my lips and kiss the ring that I put there. The ring that symbolizes our undying love. The ring that has brought us from a closeted couple, to a mature almost-out couple, and it feels like we’ve grown so much in the past year.  
  
I can’t think about all of that for too long, because Harry is moving his hips, despite my desire for him to relax. He does look relaxed, though, lips red and eyes blown. He looks completely blissed and lazy as I slowly ride him to his orgasm.  
  
When he starts to get close, he doesn’t say anything, afraid that he’ll be unable to hold back his screams. Instead, he starts pumping one hand firmly over my cock, which is hard and leaking. I start moving when I feel myself drawing closer to the edge, rolling my hips around instead so that his dick is massaging my prostate into oblivion. Harry’s mouth drops when he comes deep inside of me, only a soft, low groan escaping his throat.    
  
I keep him inside as I come, clenching around him and feeling him twitch as I do. When I climb off of him, I keep my legs close together, trying to avoid too much of a mess. I clean Harry off with a few tissues nearby, because I can tell that he’s about to pass out, his eyes fluttering shut from exhaustion.  
  
“Go to sleep, Harry. I love you more than anything.”  
  
I kiss his lips briefly, and he lazily skims his fingertips over my spine before falling back into his pillow. I pull the covers over him and kiss his shoulder one more time.  
  
By the time I’m back from cleaning myself, he’s snoring and cuddled up next to my pillow, just like he always sleeps.  
  
......  
  
I walk downstairs after getting dressed to find Anne over the stove.  
  
“Hello,” she smiles at me as I open the refrigerator and remove a beer, “Hey, I’m sorry if we didn’t have anything to eat. Did you go shopping?”  
  
She nods knowingly, “I knew I’d have to. You both need to be better about that. He needs to be eating healthy, especially in his state. Gotta keep his immune system up.”  
  
I nod, thinking that maybe I should take notes.   
  
“Can you actually-“ I stop myself at first, feeling a bit stupid, “Can you like teach me how to take care of him? I mean- I know how, but it’s different now. I need to know how to cook at least one thing.”  
  
Anne turns around, crossing her arms with a wide grin plastered on her face, “Of course, Lou. Grab a notepad or something so you don’t forget.”  
  
I gulp my beer and set it down on the counter, opening the drawer closest to the sink, “I’ll do a video on my iPad, too. So it like makes more sense. I’ll just write down the ingredients or something later.”  
  
Anne is still smiling, “Sounds great, Louis.”  
  
........  
  
“Is that it, then?” I ask once the chicken is in the oven and the vegetables are sautéed and simmering.  
  
“Pretty much! We can throw a salad together later. Let’s just sit for a bit,” she suggests, pointing to the living room.  
  
We sit down on the couch, Anne with her glass of wine, and me with my beer.  
  
“So,” she starts, and it already seems like a serious conversation to me, “Tell me what’s going on with your contract.”  
  
I shrug, “What do you mean?”  
  
“I’m not stupid, Lou,” she chuckles, “I feel like something’s happening, and it might be big. I just want in on it is all.”  
  
  
“Well,” and there’s no reason for me to lie to her, “Basically, the other lads stood up to Jason. They told him that he has to allow us to decide when to come out, or we will all buy our way out.”  
  
“Wow,” her eyes widen, “That’s a big decision. They’re great friends, yeah?”  
  
I nod, and really that’s an understatement, “Yeah, they really are. I still feel bad letting them do that. What if he doesn’t make any of it easy for us?”  
  
Anne smiles fondly, in the most motherly way possible, “Honey, he is. It’s all about money for that man, and none of us can really blame him too much. That’s what his job is: to make money for everyone else on the team. Just try not to be too uncooperative. It might seem unfair, whatever options he gives you, but you might be able to bargain. Remember that.”  
  
I nod slowly, trying to understand where exactly she is coming from, “Yeah, we’re also going to go over any new contracts he gives us with lawyers outside of the company. We don’t want to be tricked into anything.”  
  
Anne rests her hand on my shoulder, “That’s smart of you all. Just continue to be careful and wary of everyone. So many people are too greedy for their own good.”  
  
“Thanks, Anne,” I lean over and kiss her cheek, “We’ll phone you before we make any crazy decisions. You know that, right?”  
  
She chuckles, “That’s not what I’m most concerned over, but it’s good to know. Keep me in the loop, yeah?”  
  
“Of course,” I grin, “Now, let’s go see how dinner’s going, and then I’ll check on our patient.”  
  



	8. Chapter 8

HARRY’S P.O.V.  
  
When I wake up next, I’m confused and our room is dark. Louis isn’t in bed next to me, so I assume it isn’t that late. I sit up, but immediately decide that it was a bad idea. My head starts to pound and my eyesight blurs. I lay back down against the pillow and clutch my head in pain. It feels heavy and dull. I reach over and feel around for my phone, but instantly remember that it’s still in my bag from the hospital.  
  
“Lou?” I call out weakly. My voice sounds distant and very unusual, “Mum?”  
  
I wait and listen, but I don’t hear anything. I sit up again, slowly this time, and throw my legs over the side of the bed. I try my best to pace myself as I stand, dizziness taking over my inhibitions. I stop for a moment and balance myself on the nightstand before my eyes fully adjust to the darkness. I can now see enough to make my way to the door. Once I reach it, I poke my head out and notice that it’s dark outside as well. The windows in the hall that don’t have the curtains drawn have moonlight shining through them.  
  
“Lou?” I project my voices the best I can, my voice groggy. It’s still too quiet, though. I make my way to the stairs, but on my way there, I notice a light on under the crack of Louis’ office door. I squint, wondering why he’s in there so late instead of being in bed with me. I approach the door quietly, listening for any clues, but all I can hear is the background noise of the telly. I shrug and open the door, leaning against the frame to hold myself up. Louis glances up quickly, obviously startled. He’s seated at his desk, typing on his computer, and some sports show is on.  
  
“Harry, babe? What are you doing up?” He closes his laptop and swiftly stands from his large chair, meeting me halfway through the room. I don’t know when I start crying, but Louis’ arms are around me before I can process any of it.  
  
“What is it, love? What’s wrong?” He coos, his lips peppering kisses along my jaw.  
  
“It hurts, Lou. It hurts so much,” I admit, tears soaking through his t-shirt. I start to shiver, realizing how little I’m wearing: only a pair of boxer briefs.  
  
“Baby-“ Louis caresses my hair softly and kisses my shoulder once, “Let’s get you back to bed and I’ll take care of you, okay?”  
  
I nod, wishing I were already back in bed. Louis helps me though, his arm around my waist to guide me through the halls. Once I’m back in bed, Louis props the pillows up so I can comfortably sit up, “Want a movie in, Harry?”  
  
I nod, pouting pathetically, “Yeah, I’d like a good pick-me-up.”  
  
Louis grins knowingly and retrieves the remote. He scrolls through the movie database that contains all of our films and clicks on one I can’t see. As I hear Hugh Grant’s familiar opening lines, though, I smile to myself.  
  
“Lou,” I smirk, “You don’t even like this movie.”  
  
Louis snorts and leans over to kiss my lips, “I like anything you like, and Love Actually is your favorite.”  
  
I nod, cuddling into the blankets, “Thank you, honey.”  
  
“Anything for you, darling,” Louis grins, “I’m going to heat some dinner up for you and grab your pain killers. Do you want anything else?”  
  
I pull the blankets up to my neck and nod sleepily, “Your cuddles.”  
  
Louis starts to walk away, and turns around when he reaches the door, “I’ll cuddle you until you’re begging me to stop.”  
  
..........  
  
“So, I’m meant to believe that you helped cook this?” I ask Louis in disbelief as I take another bite.  
  
He grins proudly, “I did, indeed! I know how to make it now, all by myself.”  
  
I ruffle his hair, “Wow, look who’s a big boy.”  
  
Louis pouts as I tease him and grabs my hand, dragging it under the covers. He forces my hand to palm over his crotch as he laughs, “I’ll show you who’s a big boy.”  
  
I stick my tongue out and roll onto my side, my half-eaten plate of food forgotten, “Really? I think I’d like that.”  
  
“Harry,” he warns, pulling away from me, “Not after your little bout of pain. I won’t risk it. Just cuddle, yeah?”  
  
I frown, jutting my bottom lip out dramatically. My medication is making me a little loopy already, but it’s also making the pain subside. I whine, “But orgasms release endorphins and endorphins are natural pain and stress relievers.”  
  
Louis physically rolls his eyes and then winks, “Orgasms, as in plural?”  
  
My jaw drops and lick my lips thoughtfully, “I can try. I’d like to.”  
  
Louis seems just as shocked as I am at how fast our playful banter turned into something so serious, “You want that? You’re going to let me make a mess of you, baby?”  
  
I gulp and nod slowly as Louis looms over me, his eyes dark and intent. Louis places the plate of food on the nightstand next to my pain pills and pulls the covers over us both as he kisses me softly.  
  
“I’m not a china doll, you know,” I mumble against his lips and Louis gently presses his body against mine.  
  
“You’re more precious to me than any china doll, Harry,” he whispers, “I just want to take care of you, sweetheart.”  
  
I nod and sit up a bit to kiss his cheek, “I know. Thank you.”  
  
Louis sucks me off until I come down his throat, eats me out until I’m rutting into the mattress and coming on the sheets, and then he opens me up and fucks me slow and deep. I’ve never slept better than I do that night.  
  
..............  
  
The ride to Dr. Zimmer’s office a couple days later is silent and boring. My mum sits in the back seat, sighing every few minutes. We’re all nervous. That much is definitely true.  
  
It’s me who breaks the silence. I just hate to avoid the truth of the situation, “I’m scared.”  
  
Louis squeezes my hand tightly as he drives, his other hand on the steering wheel, “I am too, Harry.”  
  
“Me three,” Mum pipes in, resting a gentle touch on my shoulder.  
  
“We’re going to make the best out of any situation, though, okay?” Louis adds, glancing over at me quickly as he pulls into the car park.  
  
I nod in agreement. It’s hard to think that far ahead, though, when I have no idea what to expect. When we walk into the office, Louis’ hand is at the small of my back, despite the few people in the waiting room. Mum walks just behind us, probably glaring at anyone who looks too long.  
  
“Mr. Styles,” the receptionist smiles kindly at us, “Mr. Tomlinson; It’s good to see you both. I’ll let Dr. Zimmer know that you’re here. Go ahead and have a seat, please.”  
  
The three of us sit down near the door and Louis’ fingers skim over my arm inconspicuously. I can’t wait for this to all be over: the secret touches and ignorance.  
  
We don’t wait long before a nurse is calling us back, and I swear I see a few people roll their eyes, probably because they’re still waiting. I try not to let it bother me as I follow the woman back to one of the rooms. She has me sit on the examination chair where she takes my temperature and blood pressure. She says that they’re both normal and excuses herself, promising a visit from the doctor soon. As soon as she’s out of the room, Louis is by side, his hand on my knee.  
  
“How do you feel?” he asks, squeezing my thigh.  
  
I shrug, “A bit nauseous, and my head hurts a bit.”  
  
Louis pulls his phone out and thinks for a moment, “You can take more pills in forty-five minutes, okay love?”  
  
I glance over at mum, who is sitting across from us, smiling proudly, “Yeah, thanks Lou.”  
  
He presses a kiss into my hair and mumbles against my skin, “You’re welcome, baby.”  
  
“Thank you, Louis,” mum adds suddenly, standing up and walking over to us, “I was so nervous before, but you’ve matured so much and I’m honestly not worried anymore. I know you’ll take care of my boy.”  
  
She wraps her arms around us both and I can feel her shoulders heave as she starts to cry.  
  
I’m in the middle, which leaves me in the position to do a lot of nothing, but Louis hugs us back and I can’t help but to grin at the situation. I have millions of fans thinking about me everyday, but this is the most loved I’ve ever felt.  
  
When Dr. Zimmer walks in, mum is leaning against the wall next to me, and Louis is holding my hand. The older gentleman approaches us and offers a hand, which Louis takes before I do.  
  
“It’s good to see you both again. You seem to be healing well, Harry,” he grins before turning to my mum, “Mrs. Cox, good to see you again, as well.”  
  
Mum shakes his hand and then sits back down so that he can stand where she was. The man looks at a clipboard and silently shuffles through them for a moment.  
  
“Alright, well I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you,” he states and I feel my heart sink a bit.  
  
“Okay,” I gulp, unsure of what else I’m meant to say, “Good news first.”  
  
Louis squeezes my hand tightly and leave a quick lingering kiss on my temple. I glance over at mum and notice that she has tears welling in her eyes. I hate this. I hate it all so much.  
  
“Well,” Dr. Zimmer grins solemnly, “The tumor we got a biopsy of was benign.”  
  
I grin briefly before remembering that there was also bad news.  
  
I nod and glance at Louis, which I immediately regret. His face is pale, and his expression reminds me of the night he found that letter. The night I witnessed him falling apart.  
  
“The bad news, I’m afraid,” Dr. Zimmer continues, “Is that after we did an MRI, it seems that the tumor has grown more than expected. At this rate, I’m not sure how long we can put off the surgery for. As I mentioned before, I would like for you to start Chemo as soon as possible. I would also like you to seriously consider the situation, and talk to your team about how we can work the surgery in with your tour. I know that your job is very important, and I understand how difficult of a decision this all is, but I need you to really think about this so we can schedule the surgery for as soon as humanly possible.”  
  
I nod slowly, unsure of what this all could mean. We haven’t even told the boys yet, much less our management. It’s going to be a fucking mess, and I feel my brain clutter with stress immediately.  
  
“Simple,” Louis states, “The boys will understand; in fact they’ll agree. We have to postpone the tour. Harry’s health is more important than anything else.”  
  
I look over at him and his face is more serious than I think I’ve ever witnessed. That usual hint of playfulness is long gone. I glance at my mum next and she’s nodding in agreement, “I agree with Louis, Harry. You need to talk to the boys, but this is time sensitive and very important. Your fans will understand, too.”  
  
I look at Dr. Zimmer last and he’s just waiting for me to say something. Because, well, it’s what I say that really matters, “I’ll think about it.”  
  
I hear Louis sigh in irritation, obviously irritated that I don’t see things the same as him.  
  
“Okay, please think about this Harry,” Dr. Zimmer says again, and I nod. I just wish I didn’t have to think about it. I wish it wasn’t an issue in the first place.  
  
“I will. I’ll get back to you by Monday morning,” I promise, deciding that we’ll talk to everyone when we have them over for dinner.  
  
I know that this is important, but Louis and I have done enough to potentially ruin our best mates’ careers. Can I really put more on my conscious?  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long :(   
> kudos and comments would be lovely motivation xx
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](http://www.harryisproudoflouis.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

**LOUIS' POV**  
  
Harry refuses to let his mum and I prepare dinner on our own Sunday evening. He swears that he's feeling better and I pretend not to notice the way he winces when something clings or makes a loud noise. I don't watch football like I normally do when he cooks. No, I watch him like a hawk and cringe every time he lifts something over five pounds. I can tell that it irritates him, but I don't really care.  
  
"Louis," he huffs when I insist on taking the casserole out of the oven, "I can do it."  
  
I shake my head and bend over to pick it up anyway, bumping my hip against his playfully, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
I smile brightly when he snickers, glad that I'm not being unreasonably overbearing. I reach forward absently and by the time I've thought about putting on oven mitts, the pan is searing my fingertips. I yelp in pain and drop the casserole onto the floor before falling back onto the ground myself. Glass shatters and Harry is already at my side.  
  
"Louis!" Harry leans down for a moment, quickly running over to the sink instead to wet a towel. He squats at my side again and gently presses the cool towel to my fingers. I hiss at the burn and Harry just kisses the top of my head.  
  
Anne hurries over with a bag of ice and hands it to Harry, "Get him upstairs while I clean up and finish supper."  
  
Harry nods and helps me off of the floor. We avoid the broken glass and climb the stairs slowly. When I'm sat on our bed, Harry is tending to my burns with gentle hands, standing over me between my thighs.  
  
"Go ahead and say it," I sigh as Harry urges me to stand, pulling the covers down.  
  
"I'll pretend I don't know what you mean," he smirks, ushering me under the sheets, "I don't think your pride can take it."  
  
I chuckle dryly and pat the space next to me which he slides into,"Just say it, Harry. I need a shot to my ego."  
  
Harry laughs and wraps his arm around my waist, shifting his body close to mine and kissing the tip of my nose, "I told you so."  
  
I giggle as he squeezes my side, but we quickly settle into a comfortable silence, our bodies slotted together perfectly.  
  
"Your mum is going to take back what she said," I whisper against his neck.  
  
He hums in response, silently asking for an explanation, which I give, "She's not going to think I can take care of you anymore."  
  
"Lou-" he begins, but I shake my head.  
  
"No, it's true. I'm scared, Harry. We all know I suck at being an adult, and I want what's best for you," I sulk, the stinging in my fingers still ever present.  
  
"And what are you suggesting," Harry inquires, his fingers twirling in my hair.  
  
I shrug, because I don't actually have a suggestion, "I'm just sorry you've got me as your dumb old fiance. You always take care of me, and the one time you need me, I'm just useless."  
  
Harry laughs, pulling me close to his chest, his breath mingling with mine, "You're doing a great job, and I can't wait for you to be my dumb old husband. One spilled casserole doesn't mean anything."  
  
"If you say so," I sigh, pecking his lips, "I'd like a quick nap with you before everyone gets here. Will your mum mind?"  
  
Harry shakes his head, "No, everything's nearly done by now anyway. Just keep that ice on your lovely fingers."  
  
I nod in agreement, despite how uncomfortably cold it is, "Yeah, I will."  
  
  
......  
  
 **HARRY'S POV**  
  
Louis falls asleep easily. I'm sure it's because he's lost a lot of sleep recently. I think it's because of me. He's been awake every time I open my eyes. I suppose it's high time I take care of him again. Care-taking is never good for Louis. He stresses himself out too much.  
  
Once I'm sure he won't stir, I wiggle my arm out from under him and softly press my lips to his forehead. He mumbles something in his slumber and scoots over to my spot, cuddling into the warmth I leave behind. I stand over him and pull the blankets over his curled up body.  
  
I push my hair back and find a change of clothes, something besides sweats and one of Louis’ t-shirts that really are just too tight. Mum probably still won’t approve of what I pick out for dinner, but she won’t grouch at me for skinny jeans and a flannel.  
  
If I’m honest with myself, I’m nervous. I’m nervous to lay it all out for the boys, and for Louis’ family. I feel guilty because it seems like everything I do harms the people I care about most. My relationship has threatened the band too many times to count, and now my health is tugging at everyone’s patience. It’s all too much responsibility.  
  
Once I’m downstairs, I find Mum in the kitchen, pouring yet another glass of wine. I lean against the archway and watch her silently until she begins to cry, choking back tears, thinking that she’s all alone.  
  
“Mum-“ I hurry to her side, but she wipes her eyes quickly and sniffles.  
  
“Harry, I’m fine,” she forces a smile- a smile that is all too familiar, “Don’t worry about me. Would you like some wine?”  
  
She’s already reaching for another glass before I can respond, but I probably need it at this point, “Yeah, sure.”  
  
She pours me a glass and I notice how hard she’s trying to hold back her tears.  
  
“Mum,” I take the glasses out of her hands and set them aside, pulling her into my chest tightly, “Let it out.”  
  
And for the first time ever, she actually listens. She lets her walls down and just cries. My mum is one of the strongest people I’ve ever known, and while I’ve seen her cry it’s never been like this.  
  
I hold her like that for at least two minutes, feeling tears prickle my eyes as well.  
  
“Harry,” she finally breathes out, pulling back and squeezing my shoulders briefly, “Let’s sit down, yeah?”  
  
I nod, and grab both of our glasses, leading the way to the living room. We both sit down on the love seat and she immediately rests her hand on my shoulder.  
  
“Honey, I hate that you saw that,” she clears her throat, regaining her composure.  
  
I shrug and take a sip of the deep red merlot, “It’s okay to cry now and then. I know things suck right now.”  
  
She chuckles dryly, “You could say that.”  
  
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment. It’s the kind of silence that a boy can only share with his mother; she watches me, smiling softly.  
  
“Harry-“  
  
“Mum-“  
  
We both start to speak at the same time, but I grin and motion for her to go first. I don’t know what I planned on saying anyway.  
  
“Okay, I’ve got a few things to say,” she sniffles, patting my arm. “First of all, don’t take any of what I say the wrong way. I’m just being a typical mummy and worrying, so you can’t blame me.”  
  
I nod slowly, unsure of where this conversation is going.  
  
“I’ll begin with saying that I’m very proud of you and Louis. You’ve both matured so much in the past four years, and I feel honored to consider you both my sons. I am concerned, though, with how your health condition will fit into your independence. As pretty much all of us know, you tend to take care of Louis most of the time, and with the recent events, that won’t be very possible. And while he’s taken on a lot more responsibility lately, I’m afraid this will be too much for him-“  
  
I know she isn’t finished, but I feel the need to defend Louis immediately, “That’s not true, Mum. He’s taken care of me plenty. You said it yourself- that you weren’t worried anymore.”  
  
She smiles sweetly, and it kind of pisses me off in a sick sort of way- how she thinks that we know nothing because we’re young, “I know sweetie, and I’ve been trying to tell myself that, but look how easily you revert to taking care of him. He gets burnt and you baby him. It’s totally your call and your relationship under normal circumstances, but Harry, things are going to change. You’re going to be sick, and you’re going to need constant assistance.”  
  
My face contorts in disgust, “All because he dropped a casserole? Are you serious?”  
  
She scoffs, shaking her head, “No, it’s not about the casserole. I was just using that as an example. Darling, you know that you do it. I can see it in your eyes. You know what I’m talking about.”  
  
“I like taking care of him. I have for four years,” I argue, scooting to the edge of the couch uncomfortably.  
  
“Sweetheart, I’m your mum, I know how it feels to want to care for someone,” she brushes my hair back absently, “But, things are going to change, whether you like it or not, and I think that there should be a plan.”  
  
“What kind of plan?” I swallow, struggling to make eye contact.  
  
“I want you to move back home until your treatment and surgeries are done,” she replies firmly.  
  
I stand up, laughing sarcastically, “You’ve got to be kidding. I love you, Mum, and you know that, but Louis and me- we’re getting married. We take care of each other now, and yeah- It’s going to take some practice, but you can’t expect it to all be perfect straight away. We’ll find our balance.”  
  
She stands as well, setting her wine on the coffee table, “Now isn’t the time for practice. You’ll have plenty of time to work on your relationship after you get better. But, if you don’t get better properly, then there won’t be time for practice at all.”  
  
She chokes up at that, and I feel tears welling in my eyes as well. I finally whisper, “I have to- I need some time alone.”  
  
She just nods, sitting back on the couch, crying again. It’s not like me to leave her there, but I’m too angry and sad by everything she’s said to worry about her feelings right now. I’ll regret it later, but I can’t control myself at this point.  
  
When I walk back into mine and Louis’ room, the bed is empty, sheets disheveled. The door to the balcony is open and I approach it slowly. Louis is sitting in one of the chairs, legs propped up on the railing. He has a cigarette between his fingers and one already cashed in the ash tray.  
  
He knows I don’t like when he smokes.  
  
“I thought you were sleeping,” I offer weakly, avoiding a pointless argument. I stand behind him and lean down to press a soft kiss to the top of his head.  
  
“I was,” he replies quickly, staring into the tops of the pine trees around our neighborhood, “Woke up when you got out of bed. Never sleep well without you.”  
  
He takes a long drag and holds it in a bit too long before blowing out the smoke. He still hasn’t looked at me.  
  
He clears his throat, and finally glances up, his eyes squinting as the sun sets, “She’s right, you know.”  
  
I gulp and hurry to kneel at his side, taking his free hand in mine, “She’s not.”  
  
I can’t believe he heard us. My mind is racing a mile a minute, and I can’t imagine how he feels.  
  
“No,” he insists, and I notice how red his eyes are, “She is right, Harry. I’m helpless, and you need help. I don’t-“  
  
He stops abruptly, his voice cracking before he continues, “I don’t know how to help you. I try so hard and I always get it wrong. And my first reaction to anything going wrong, is to think, ‘Oh, Harry will fix it and everything will be fine.’ Baby, that’s not good. It’s not healthy.”  
  
“No,” I stand firmly, a bit angry, taking the cigarette out of his hand and stomping it out under my shoe, “These aren’t healthy. Our relationship is just as healthy as any, and my mum is wrong. You’re exactly what I need right now. Just you, Louis.”  
  
Louis stands as well, leaning his back against the railing and beckoning me to close the distance. I take a deep breath and step forward, pressing my hands on the rail, one on either side of his body. Louis rests his hands on my shoulders and kisses my lips ever so briefly, “No, love. You need more than just me. Your mum is right. You should go home.”  
  
“This is my home,” I state plainly through gritted teeth, a bit hurt and a very upset,  “This is our home, Louis. I’m not going anywhere, and we’ll do just fine on our own. You and me, Lou. We’re invincible.”  
  
Louis sighs, his eyes watery and bloodshot as he buries his face into my neck, “I just don’t know, darling.”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MEH sorry it sucks... literally so hungover. anywhooo please comment and leave kudos if you enjoy this story xx 
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](http://www.harryisproudoflouis.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and leave kudos if you read xx LOVE YOU GUYS

**LOUIS’ POV**  
  
Harry leaves our bedroom many times and comes back to try to coax me out to socialize.   
  
“Lou,” he says, “Niall just got here.”  
  
“I’ll see him later,” I groan, lighting up another cigarette, no longer caring that the smoke is wafting indoors.  
  
He comes back a half hour later with a beer, “Baby, I’ve got you a pint, and also Zayn and Perrie just arrived.”  
  
I consider following him for a second, but decide to just take the beer and remain in my spot in the doorway.  
  
Harry leaves, and when the door opens again, I beat him to the punch, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m not ready to go down yet.”  
  
“Not Harry,” the familiar chuckle rings in my ears.  
  
“Mummy,” I grin to myself, standing from my spot on the ground, “I was wondering when you lot would show up.”  
  
She coos and pulls me into a tight hug, her face buried between my neck and my shoulder, “What’s got my boy down?”  
  
I sigh, appreciating her familiar scent, “Loads.”  
  
“Sit with me, love,” she sighs, “And then you’re showering, because you reek of cigarette smoke. Speaking of which, I’ll lecture you on that later.”  
  
I simply chuckle under my breath. Mum means well, but she’s never been very intimidating. We both sit on the bench at the end of mine and Harry’s bed.   
  
“So,” she rests her hand on my knee comfortingly, “What’s on your mind?”  
  
I remember how much she doesn’t know and feel tears well in my eyes at the thought of saying it all aloud.  
  
When I start to sob, Mum pulls me into another hug, sniffling herself.  
  
“It’s Harry,” I choke out as she holds me closer.  
  
“What happened, baby?” She whispers, “Did you two get in a fight?”   
  
I breathe out and chuckle dryly, “Something like that. Basically I’m brooding.”  
  
She laughs at that, but just rocks me back and forth while stroking my hair.  
  
“Mum,” I whisper, finding it impossible to speak up, “Harry’s sick.”  
  
I can hear her breath catch and she freezes for a moment, “Oh, my dear.”  
  
“It’s bad, Mum,” I try so hard not to cry, “And I’m trying to be strong for him, but I- I suck at taking care of him. He deserves better than me... Especially now.”  
  
“Lou-“ she begins, but I just shake my head.  
  
“No, it’s all true. There’s no use denying it,” I sigh, “Even Anne agrees.”  
  
“Well,” Mum begins to stand, huffing in irritation, “If she has something to say about my baby boy, then-“  
  
“Mum,” I scoff, “Stop it, okay? I’m a grown man. You’d be proving her one hundred percent correct by fighting my battles for me.”  
  
“There shouldn’t be any battle,” she retorts, sitting at my side once again.  
  
“I agree,” I shrug, “But there isn’t much I can do about it when I can’t prove her wrong.”   
  
“You already have, dear,” My mum ruffles my hair slightly, “Sure, Harry cooks and cleans a lot, but I’ll bet Anne doesn’t know about Harry’s little break down earlier this year, yeah? He wouldn’t be clean right now-“  
  
“Stop,” I close my eyes and breathe deeply, “There’s no use in pointing fingers. What it boils down to is that Harry is fighting for his life right now, and it’s going to take a bit of selflessness on my part for him to get better. I can’t help him like I want to.”  
  
“That’s not true,” she grins after a few beats of silence, “You are the most motivated and selfless person I know, and with your mind set to this, you can’t fail. It’s not possible, love.”  
  
I bite at my bottom lip nervously, not sure of what to say.  
  
“Just shower and come downstairs,” she pleads softly, “I’m guessing that there will be some important discussion this evening and decisions will be made after that. Are you even considering what Harry wants?”  
  
“It’s not about what he wants,” I bury my face in my hands, emotionally drained and wishing this day would be over already, “It’s about what he needs.”  
  
_________  
  
 **HARRY’S POV**  
  
Louis comes downstairs about fifteen minutes after Jay does. His hair is damp and he has a fake grin on his face as he greets the rest of his family. I take a long swig of my wine, draining the rest of the glass as I watch him nervously.  
  
Perry, Zayn, and Niall enter the room seconds later, Niall’s voice carrying through the kitchen, “Hey! There he is. We’ve been waiting around for you, you prick.”  
  
Louis chuckles and meets our mate halfway, accepting his warm hug. He hugs Perrie next, and lastly Zayn, who whispers something to him quickly. Louis smirks and pats his back. I glance at Perrie suspiciously and she simply rolls her eyes carelessly.  
  
“I think we can sit for dinner now,” my mum says as she approaches the group from behind.  
  
“Sounds great,” I smile at her, “Thanks for cooking.”  
  
She just grins softly, having not acted the same ever since our argument.   
  
Once we’re all seated at the table, I reach my hand under the table in hopes of gathering Louis’ hand in mine. Only, he pulls it away, turning to smile at me sadly. I respect his space and anxiously wipe my palms on my clothed thighs instead.  
  
“Before we get started,” I clear my throat as my voice cracks. “I- uh, have an announcement of sorts. I have something I have to tell you.”  
  
Suddenly, Louis’ chilled hand is on top of my significantly warmer hand, obviously after his realization of my intentions. I feel a spark run through my veins, a spark of encouragement and comfort.  
  
“You can do it,” he whispers to me, though I’m sure everyone can hear him clearly. The dining room is deadly quiet, despite the unusual amount of children present as is unavoidable with Louis’ family.   
  
“I- well,” I try to go on, but my mouth is dry. I turn to Louis and he squeezes my hand as he nods slowly.  
  
“What Harry is trying to say,” he presses his lips together in thought before continuing, “Is that he’s sick.”  
  
Louis’ voice cracks much like my own had. I study him closely, unable to face our family and friends after their subsequent gasps. His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, nibbling at his bottom lip nervously, probably thinking about lighting a cigarette.  
  
“He’s got a brain tumor, and even though it’s benign,” Louis breathes slowly, lacing our fingers together, “He will have to go through regular treatments, and fairly soon have to have the tumor removed.”  
  
I lean forward slowly, sinking my forehead onto his shoulder in shame. Not shame from my sickness, but shame from what it will mean for everyone present. I chance a look at my mum, and she’s crying once again, despite previously receiving the news.  
  
“Harry,” Niall rests a gentle hand on my arm, urging me to look at him. I do, and I immediately regret it.  
  
Niall’s usually bright eyes are glistening, the glare from out chandelier reflecting in his welling tears, “How long have you known?”  
  
“I’ve known that there was an issue for about two weeks now,” I admit, watching Niall’s expression contort uncomfortably, “Louis and I saw my doctor together about a week ago and then they did a biopsy the next day.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Liam pipes in, much more concerned than offended.  
  
“I don’t know-“ I begin, feeling tears form in my own eyes before Louis swoops in to save the day.  
  
“He didn’t feel comfortable. He didn’t tell me straight away either, so don’t get all upset about it, Liam. What’s important now is that he gets proper care.”  
  
Louis glances at my mum, and her eyes dart to mine, questioning what I might have told him. I shake my head slowly, and just shrug. I’m still not over her accusations and suggestions. It’ll take time to forget about that. She’s making Louis doubt himself, and that’s the last thing anyone needs right now.  
  
“What does that entail, exactly?” Jay questions, gripping her glass of water tightly.  
  
Louis once again speaks for me, and I’ve never been more relieved by his need to talk.  
  
“Well,” Louis looks briefly at each of the lads, “We all need to make a decision. Either Harry tours as long as he can while receiving treatment and dealing with significant pain and uncomfortable nausea.” Louis pauses, eyeing them again for emphasis, “Or we can postpone the tour and he can receive the surgery he needs to have anyway.”  
  
“Louis’ making it all sound quite simple,” I butt in, chuckling softly, “The pain isn’t so bad. I’ve been experiencing it off and on for months and previously brushed it off as headaches. I can deal with it and just do the surgery after tour.”  
  
Zayn shakes his head, his expression riddled with disbelief, “You’ve got to be kidding, H. We’re finally starting to gain control over our own careers and lives. We have a chance to do what we need. Remember when Niall’s knee started to get really bad? We all had agreed to postpone the shows, but weren’t given the option. We have weight now. We’ve got something to stick to Jason. We’re all on the same page, right? We have to postpone the tour.”  
  
Louis nods alone with Niall while Liam stays perfectly still.  
  
“Liam?” Zayn asks expectantly.  
  
“I don’t know,” Liam breathes, and I feel a small sigh of relief that someone is being reasonable and still thinking about our careers. “What if they see it the other way? What if they see it as just another setback to use against us? To use against Louis and Harry?”  
  
Louis slams his fist on the table, shocking everyone seated around, the twins shrieking dramatically. “Liam, be rational here. Harry’s health and safety is more important than anything, okay? None of that shit will matter if Harry can’t function or worse...”  
  
He trails off, but everyone gets the point.  
  
Liam shrugs, tossing his napkin onto the table as he stands, “You’re right, Louis. We have to postpone the tour. We can’t do it without Harry-“  
  
“Of course we can’t,” Louis sneers, “That was never an option.”  
  
“Let me finish for once,” Liam rolls his eyes, resting his hands on the back of his chair, “We can’t do any of this without Harry, so him being healthy is more important than our money and the fans.”  
  
Louis clenches his fist, releasing my hand so he can gesture more vividly, “It’s not even about that! You’re making it sound like we’re giving up our lives, when in reality that’s exactly what Harry could be doing by touring in this state. Be reasonable!”  
  
“I am!” Liam snaps back, pushing his chair in with a loud screech, “I’m thinking of everyone here, Louis. I know you care about Harry above all else, and we all love him, but-“  
  
“No buts!” Louis tosses his hands in the air, baffled, “If you love Harry, then this isn’t even a question.”  
  
Liam breathes deeply and turns to leave the room, Sophia sending an apologetic look our way before standing to follow him.  
  
Louis massages his temples with two fingertips, “Any other fucking objections?”  
  
“Louis,” Jay hisses, “Your sisters are here.”  
  
“Sorry,” Louis groans disdainfully. “Let’s eat, shall we?”  
  
My mum reaches for a dish in the middle of the table and passes it to Robin.  
  
“Liam will agree when he thinks about it,” Niall assures me quietly, his arm slung around my shoulders. “We’re going to get you better, yeah?”  
  
I nod slowly, still shell-shocked by the past five minutes, “I guess so.”  
  
I look up at the rest of the table, immediately regretful from their longing, sad gazes. Except for Gemma. She has her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.   
  
“Gems,” I begin, but she simply shakes her head violently, standing from the table as well and exiting the room. My mum starts to stand, but I beat her to it.  
  
“I”ll talk to her,” I sigh, kissing the top of Louis head before following after my inconsolable sister.  
  
This day has been an utter disaster.

 

_______  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**HARRY’S POV**  
  
When I find Gemma, she’s curled up in a love seat next to the back window, staring at the partially-lit garden. She’s facing the window, her back turned to me and her head resting on her hands on top of the back of the couch.  
  
I sniff loud enough so that she’s aware of my presence, but she doesn’t move. I sit next to her and mimic her position, staring out the window as well. We sit in silence for a moment before I feel her gaze on me. I turn to her and we both chuckle.  
  
“You alright?” I ask in a more serious tone, my voice hardly above a whisper.  
  
“Of course I am,” she grins unconvincingly.   
  
“There’s no use in lying, Gem,” I solemnly smile. “It’s all laid out and in the open and it sucks. Just react how you want to.”  
  
She nods slowly for a moment before slumping over onto my shoulder and sobbing, “I can’t believe you didn’t fucking tell me.”  
  
I turn my body so that she falls easily into my chest, and wrap my arms around her waist. I know she isn’t done talking, so I just stay quiet.  
  
“I mean, it’s fine to not want to alarm everyone before you know for sure,” she bites her lip, formulating her thoughts as she sits up straight. “But, I’m your big sister, Harry. We used to be best friends, and I know you’re all grown up and famous and happily engaged, but I miss you. And with all of this, I just- I’ve never felt so separated from you in my life. It kills me. I mean, you told me at the same time as the lads and their girlfriends. Mum had me thinking you were wedding planning this whole week!”  
  
My nostrils flare, and I know that if I start talking straight away, I’ll probably cry as well. So, I take a deep breath first in an attempt to bottle up my emotions.  
  
“I hate that you feel that way. You’re still my sister and still my best friend. I just- I don’t know. I guess I’ve been selfish, and I never thought about it like that. I guess I just- I thought that it was painful enough to say once, so I’d have liked to do it only once. I’m sorry, Gems. I love you, and I miss you too. I know I’m never around-“  
  
“No,” she wipes some tears from her cheeks, “I shouldn’t have blamed it on you. I know the pressure you’re under, and I know the kind of life you live. It just sucks to have that information thrown at you when you’re at a big table of people. I just want to be here for you, and I shouldn’t be blubbering over who knew first and all that petty shit.”  
  
I shrug, “It’s not petty. I get it. I think about you all the time, Gemma. I miss you everyday.” I lean forward and hug her again, kissing her cheek briefly, “You should come stay here sometime soon. Might be filled with doctor’s visits and rehearsals, but we’d love to have you.”  
  
Gemma grins, “I’d like that.”  
  
“Great,” I smirk. “And you’re always welcome to join us on tour. Lou loves having you around with Lux and you’re always great company.”  
  
Gemma scoffs, “As if you’re going on tour anytime soon. You heard Louis; he’s not letting anything potentially harmful happen to you.”  
  
I sigh, “I think he’s being a little harsh. It’s not that serious-“  
  
“It could be,” she interrupts, “and he’s perfectly right. You have to get your health sorted out before you worry about your career again. Louis has your best interest above all else and I love him for that.”  
  
“Yeah,” I groan, “and I despise him for putting me over himself.”  
  
“You too love each other too much,” Gemma rolls her eyes.  
  
I ruffle her hair playfully, standing quickly before she can retort, “You make that sound like a bad thing.”  
  
 **_______**  
  
 **LOUIS’ POV**  
  
While things simmer down as the night progresses, Liam and I don’t speak.   
  
When he leaves, I don’t even acknowledge him. He apologizes to Harry and assures him that he didn’t mean anything by what he said. Harry of course, forgives him and gives him a great big hug goodbye. I just cross my arms and act busy looking at my cuticles.   
  
My family leaves shortly after Liam and Sophia. The twins are yawning before they’re even out the door, and Mum spends too much time hugging me and Harry.  
  
“Make sure you call if you need anything,” she makes us promise before she leaves and we both nod unenthusiastically.   
  
Harry’s family leaves next, Anne a bit teary-eyed at the door. Robin rolls her suitcase out, obviously tired and ready to go home. Surely, he’s missed having his wife around. Anne has a private word with Harry before leaving, and I’m sure it’s about me.  
  
I’ve never felt so much tension within our families before, and I absolutely hate it.  
  
Zayn, Perrie, and Niall stay the night, joining Harry and I in the living room when everyone else is gone. We’ve got two empty bottles of wine and five glasses spread out on the coffee table by midnight.  
  
“Please tell me you weren’t joking earlier, Z,” I plead as Harry cuddles onto my shoulder, slightly tipsy.  
  
Zayn laughs and pulls a small case out of his pocket, “Do I ever joke about Mary J?”  
  
I notice Harry rolling his eyes in my peripherals, but I know he’s doing so sarcastically. He sits up and settles for just holding my hand as Zayn pulls out a previously-rolled joint. Niall scoots his chair closer so that we essentially make a circle: Harry and I on one couch, Zayn and Perrie on another across from us, and Niall between Zayn and I.  
  
Zayn lights the spliff and then hands it to Perrie. She takes a long drag and passes it back to Zayn before collapsing back against the couch.  
  
“It’s been a long time since we all got high together,” Niall grins as Zayn passes the joint to him. “Too bad Li isn’t here.”  
  
I try not to visibly roll my eyes when Niall sucks in the smoke, fully aware that I’m alone in my disdain.  
  
I take the spliff next, taking a long, deep drag, my lungs feeling full from the amount of cigarettes I smoked earlier.  
  
“You know,” Zayn says, resting his head on Perrie’s shoulder, “I don’t think he meant what he said. He just panicked a bit. I think he was just shocked and didn’t know what to do.”  
  
I shake my head, holding the smoke in before turning to Harry. I raise my eyebrows and he chuckles, nodding and placing his palms on either side of my face. I press our lips together and seal the path for the smoke to travel, blowing it all from my lungs to his.  
  
 When I can breathe again, I kiss the back of Harry’s hand, which is still in mine, and say, “I don’t care what he meant. Everyone else’s first inclination was for Harry to get better. His was selfish. I just need time to cool down is all.”  
  
Harry exhales and leans over to hand the small amount left of the joint to Perrie.   
  
“I just don’t get why you’re so mad,” Harry adds, squeezing my hand. “He was just trying to be democratic and think fairly for everyone.”  
  
“Then I guess I’m fucking Stalin for wanting my fiancé to be healthy above all else,” I sass, still only angry at Liam.  
  
“That’s not it,” Perrie butts in, carefully shifting the roach between her fingers and Zayn’s. “He wants Harry better, too. He’s just scared, yeah? Isn’t everyone? He just handled it a different way. Just call him tomorrow and I’m sure things will be just fine.”  
  
I shrug and hand Harry his wine again before taking my own, knowing that we won’t get another drag from the joint. I don’t feel like I need it, if I’m honest. I’m buzzed off the wine and the hit was enough to make me feel sufficiently inebriated. I still want to make love to Harry tonight, and I know exactly how drunk and high I can be and still make it enjoyable. We need it after the day we’ve had. I need to show him I love him, and he needs to feel unconditionally loved.  
  
“We’ll see,” I conclude in disinterest. “Well, you lot can stay up as late as you’d like. The guest beds are made up, so make yourself at home. I think we’re going to turn in.”  
  
I squeeze Harry’s hand and he nods in agreement. I can see the smirk and light blush in his cheeks.  
  
“Christ,” Niall sighs. “You two go at it more than anyone I know. I’m the single one for fuck’s sake.”  
  
I laugh as I pull Harry along behind me, our glasses in our hands. I let go of Harry’s hand to pat Niall’s head, “You’ll never have as much sex as us, young Niall. Get over it.”  
  
Everyone laughs except for Harry, who is ushering me along to the stairs, probably a bit embarrassed. He always gets that way when I’m blatant like that.  
  
At the top of the stairs, I press his body against the wall, using my free hand to feel along his body, “What do you want tonight?”  
  
Harry leans his head up and presses his open mouth to mine. He tastes like wine, the flavor fuller on my tongue as I suck on his stained lips.  
  
“Don’t care,” he breathes hotly. “Whatever you’re up for.”  
  
I smirk, reaching around and pinching his arse, “You know damn well that I’m always up for everything with you.”  
  
Harry winks, “I know, that’s why I said it.”  
  
I kiss him again, briefly with a quiet moan, “You’re so sexy.”  
  
Harry hums in delight and bucks his hips against mine, “I’ve got to show you something before we get carried away.”  
  
I cock my head to one side and frown, “Please tell me it won’t take too long. I’m aching for you.”  
  
Harry blushes and I notice the glint in his eyes from the moonlight shining through the windows, “Not too long, no. I just- I want to show you now, because I’m relaxed and I’ll be less nervous.”  
  
I literally have no idea where he’s going with this, so I take a shot in the dark, “If you’re going to give me a lap dance, you should never be nervous.”  
  
Harry giggles and shakes his head, “No, just go wait on the bed and keep your clothes on.”  
  
I pout, but start walking toward our room, “That doesn’t sound like fun.”  
  
He walks into the music room across the hall and chuckles. I shrug to myself and obey, entering our room and sitting myself down in the middle of the bed, my legs crossed.  
  
Harry comes back quickly with his acoustic guitar in his hand, a dopey smile on his face. He joins me on the bed, none too gracefully, and crosses his legs in front of me.  
  
“Alright, so I’ve been practicing this song for a while- Ed’s been teaching me, and I wanted to play it for you at the wedding or something and I just think,” he pauses and adjusts the guitar on his lap, spreading his fingers on the neck to form a chord on the strings, “I think that now, more than ever, these lyrics mean a lot to me for us. So, here’s a sneak peak. This is for you, okay?”  
  
I gulp and nod as he starts to strum the strings, fumbling around for a few seconds until he’s ready. He nods to himself and plays the first few chords perfectly.  
  
 _“When your legs don't work like they used to before_  
 _And I can't sweep you off of your feet_  
 _Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love_  
 _Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks,”_  
  
  
As he sings, he smiles, his dimples standing out more than ever. My mouth feels dry and my heart feels heavy. Not in a sad way, necessarily, but in an overwhelmed and intense way.  
  
  
 _“And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70_  
 _And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23_  
 _And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways_  
 _Maybe just the touch of a hand_  
 _Oh me I fall in love with you every single day_  
 _And I just wanna tell you I am.”_  
  
  
His voice sounds incredible. It always does, but when we’re on breaks, his voice gets to rest and it sounds so controlled and wonderful. I scoot myself closer to him so that our knees are knocking against each other.  
  
 _“So honey now_  
 _Take me into your loving arms_  
 _Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_  
 _Place your head on my beating heart_  
 _I'm thinking out loud_  
 _Maybe we found love right where we are,”_  
  
  
As he plays the chords, he stares at me. I can’t imagine how much he’s been practicing, because he hardly looks down at his fingers. Harry’s so easy to read. Maybe it’s just me, but I can just see the love on his face.  
  
  
 _“When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades_  
 _And the crowds don't remember my name_  
 _When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm_  
 _I know you will still love me the same,”_  
  
  
If only he could know how much I love him. I know he’ll never know. It’s a love that’s impossible to convey. It’s just how it is, and no one could ever put it into words or into a song.   
  
  
_“’Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen_  
 _Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory,”_  
  
  
He smirks then, adding in a quick, “It’s true,” before continuing, and my heart flutters at his darling smile.  
  
   
  
 _“I’m thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways_  
 _Maybe it's all part of a plan_  
 _I'll just keep on making the same mistakes_  
 _Hoping that you'll understand,”_  
  
  
His voice rasps then, soulful and deep. He closes his eyes, feeling the music and the emotion behind it. My stomach does flips, and I feel like I’m eighteen again, falling in love with the young curly-headed boy all over again.  
  
  
 _“But baby now_  
 _Take me into your loving arms_  
 _Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_  
 _Place your head on my beating heart_  
 _I'm thinking out loud_  
 _That maybe we found love right where we are, oh,”_  
  
  
He strums the pick against the strings in perfect time, his legs bobbing along with the beat as it quickens.  
  
  
 _“So baby now_  
 _Take me into your loving arms_  
 _Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_  
 _Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart_  
 _I'm thinking out loud_  
 _That maybe we found love right where we are,”_  
  
  
Harry strums a couple more chords and opens his eyes, leaning his body closer to mine until our noses are brushing. He grins and takes a shallow breath.  
  
  
 _“Oh maybe we found love right where we are_  
 _And we found love right where we are.”_  
  
  
  
    He more hums the last word against my lips with his palm against my cheek. The strings of the guitar make a screeching sound as he leans closer into me. He reaches between us and pulls the guitar away, setting it on the bench at the end of our bed. He throws the red pick onto the floor, uninterested in where it lands. He pushes me back so that I’m laid across the width of the bed, his body flush with mine.  
  
  
“I love you so much, Louis,” he speaks feverishly, with purpose and intent. “I’ll never stop. You’re everything I need.”  
  
I moan unintelligibly, carding my fingers through his long hair and pulling him into a deep kiss, speaking against his lips, “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”  
  
“I think I do know,” he pulls back, breathing shortly. “Because I feel it, too.”  
  
We kiss again, for much longer this time, the sound of our pants and heavy breaths filling the air.  
  
Harry slowly undresses the two of us, starting with our shirts and working down. It’s when he has us both down to our briefs that I whisper into his neck, “I want you to top tonight. Make love to me, Harry.”  
  
I can hear his breath catch, and he groans as he slides his hardening cock against mine, “Fuck, yeah. Let me get something. I’ll be right back.”  
  
He hurries to the closet, leaving me a whimpering mess, kicking of my too-tight briefs in a fury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on [tumblr](http://www.harryisproudoflouis.tumblr.com)
> 
> come say hi, i don't bite.
> 
> also, please comment so i feel motivated to write the next chapter soon! :)
> 
> This chapter is to be continued, don’t worry... haha I’m just super tired, so I’ll have to write more for next time. I feel like I need to write the next smut scene, though, since we don’t get much top harry in this fic ;)
> 
> song by Ed Sheeran- Thinking Out Loud :) he’s such a brilliant songwriter. love me some Ed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically 2k of top harry smut ok
> 
> sorry for the wait. i'm shit

**HARRY’S POV**  
  

When I return to the bedroom, Louis is laying where I left him, across the bed with his head nearly over the side. He’s stripped of all clothing and is palming his cock slowly as it grows.  
  

“You’re so gorgeous,” I groan, feeling myself through my shorts. There’s a wet spot near the tip because I’ve been getting hard ever since Louis shotgunned that spliff. Everything about him gets me hot.  
  

“Thank god you’re back. What did you get?” He whimpers as he grips the base of his cock, staving off his orgasm.   
 

“Stop touching yourself unless you plan on coming twice tonight,” I scold teasingly, walking slowly toward the bed.  
  

I toss the object in my hand onto the mattress closer to the pillows before shimmying out of my boxers. His gaze follows it like a dog with a bone.  
  

“Jesus Christ, a plug?” He gulps and pants lightly as he props himself up on his elbows.  
  

I nod silently and open the drawer next to my side of the bed. I remove the half empty bottle of lube and a condom and join them on the comforter with the butt plug.   
 

I climb onto the bed clumsily, a bit lightheaded from all the wine and weed. As soon as my body is on Louis’ though, I feel as though I’ve never had better balance. We just fit together that way. I wrap my arms around his waist and press my cock against his as I kiss him. He continues to hold himself up until my weight becomes too demanding. He falls back and grazes his fingertips over my skin. Goosebumps rise in his wake and a shiver crawls through my body. I shudder as he bucks his hips, my open mouth never leaving his.  
  

Louis’ fingers quickly find their way into my mess of hair and he tugs on it just right so that I’m practically jello under his touch.   
 

We kiss like that for a while, much longer than we usually do. I want to make sure he’s relaxed since it isn’t often that he takes anything.   
 

“If you’re trying to make me rub one off against your thigh like a dog,” he snarks, “you’re very close to succeeding.”  
  

Our legs are a tangled mess, moving fluidly along with our bodies.   
 

“Maybe I do,” I chuckle, pulling my body off of his.  
  

“That wasn’t an invitation to just stop touching me!” Louis whines dramatically.   
 

I tisk and reach for the lube, “Don’t get sassy on me, love. I’m just fine with going to bed right now.”  
  

Louis huffs and the next thing I know, he’s pushing me onto my back and straddling my hips, “That’s funny, Styles, but I know you and if I ever tried that shit with you, you’d be crying on your pillow and humping the sheets.”   
 

I smirk and settle my hands on his ass, “You’re right. That’s why I’m completely teasing. Don’t get your knickers in a twist, darling.”  
  

He shakes his head and wiggles grinds in my lap, pushing into my hands.  
  

“Get on with it, or I’ll have to open meself up.”  
  

I chuckle at how bothered he gets when he’s horny. He speaks so quickly, even quicker than usual, and fidgets all too much. It’s like a mixture of anxiety and desperation.  
  

“Come now, love,” I sit up and move Louis back off of my lap. “Lay back so I can ‘get on with it’ as you so kindly requested.”   
 

He crosses his arms and lays down, still fidgeting his hips around.  

“Louis,” I giggle as I drape myself over him, using my legs to pin his to the bed, “be still, hon.”  

Louis huffs and relaxes, kissing my chest gently.  

“Sorry,” he grins, “m’just a bit giddy.”  

I rub my body against his and graze the tip of my tongue along his neck.  

“I can tell,” I hum, pressing my open mouth to his collar bones, and then to the center of his chest, “it’ll be good, though. I promise.”   
 

He gulps as I make my way down to his hips, my hands spanning over his thighs.  

“I know you will,” he sighs, “just been a while since... you know, and I’ve been on edge a lot lately.”  

“I know,” I whisper, pulling his legs apart slowly, my breath faltering over his balls, “let me calm you. It’s just us, yeah? Just feel me.”   
 

I lean down and press my lips to his balls, sucking lightly on them before biting his thighs, back and forth, left and right. I glance up to find him nibbling on his bottom lip, his eyebrows knitted together tightly.   
 

“No point in holding it in, Lou,” I smirk. “You already told them what we were doing.”   
 

Louis lets out a long breath and moans softly in his throat.   
 

“What is it?” I press, brushing a dry thumb over his hole. “You don’t want them to know how good I can make you feel?”   
 

Louis’ chest rises and falls as he whimpers, “Of course it’s not that.”   
 

“Hmm, then is it maybe,” I press my thumb past his rim, barely dipping it in, “that you want them to think you always top?”   
 

Louis mutters something that I can’t gather and I laugh to myself despite my throbbing erection. I reach for the lube and uncap it, drizzling it over where my thumb is still partially pressed into Louis. Some of it drips down his skin and onto the comforter, but I could care less right now. I rub my fingers together and press my thumb in a little further. Louis’ thighs tense around my shoulders, so I hold his leg down with my dry hand. I pull my thumb out after a moment and pour the lube onto my fingers more generously.    
I lay next to Louis and rub my fingers over his hole as I nibble on his ear.  

“Is that what it is, babe?” I grunt, pressing my middle finger into him slowly. “Want them to think I’m the only one who likes it up the ass.”  

“Fuck,” Louis finally responds, dragging his words out loudly. “Don’t care what they think. Honest. Just please, fuck me.”  

That really spurs me on as I add my index finger, first teasing it around his rim as it tenses around my finger.   
 

“Then be a little louder, huh? Please, you sound so good,” I curl my fingers just right until Louis is moaning and whining. He grips onto my hair once again, using his other hand to stroke his cock.   
 

When I add a third finger, the one that is adorned with the ring Louis gave me, Louis is rolling his hips in a rhythm, holding his cock firmly to refrain from coming.   
 

“I’m ready,” he mumbles. I hear him just fine, but I love watching him squirm.   
 

“I’m sorry, you’ll have to speak up,” I smirk, pumping my fingers into him roughly.   
 

“I’m ready,” he yells, grabbing my wrist weakly. “Fuck me now!”  

I pull my fingers out at his request and reach for the condom. I know he hates cleaning up after I come inside him. However hot as it may be, I’ll be just fine coming into a condom if it makes him happier. Louis watches me, half-lidded and dazed.  

“No,” he shakes his head, “want to feel you. All of you. Don’t use it.”   
 

“Really?” My breath shudders in surprise. “Are you sure?”   
 

“Yeah,” he nods, gripping my biceps, “you can plug me up after. Do whatever you want, my dirty boy.”   
 

I bite my lip before leaning down to kiss him. It’s a needy kiss, and while it feels like it lasts forever, it’s over after a few seconds, both of us far too impatient for that. I pour some more lube into my palm and lather it on my cock, sure to spread it evenly. I wipe my hand over his hole as he plants his feet on the mattress. I take a decorative pillow and urge him to lift his hips so I can place it under him.    
 

“Love you, Harry,” he breathes meticulously as I hover over him, holding myself over his body. He reaches between us as I lean down to kiss him, guiding my dick to his hole. He shifts down ever so slightly to meet me in the middle. I urge my hips forward as I press through his rim. His hand doesn’t leave, though. Instead he prods his fingers at his rim as I enter him, breathlessly moaning into my mouth.  

“Stretch me so good,” he says, pinching my nipple between words. I gulp as I try to keep a slow pace.

There’s nothing more than my love for this man that’s keeping me from just splitting him open.  

“So fucking tight,” I say, my hands tightening in the sheets above his shoulders. “Can’t believe I get to feel this and see you like this. So beautiful.”  

He moans as his eyes meet mine. His are blue and moist, but the corners are crinkled like they are when he’s really smiling.  

“Look who’s talking,” he says, dragging his hands down my chest and around to my arse. “How many people would die to have you like this? My perfect, dirty boy.”  

Something about his pet names egg me on more than anything, and once I’m fully inside of him, there’s no turning back. My thrusts begin as shallow and slow, but soon enough, I’m pumping into him with sharp juts, losing my breath as sweat trickles down my forehead and my chest. Louis’ skin is slick against mine as he continually bites at my lips and my neck. I’m sure to have love marks everywhere in the morning.    
I love it.   
 

“Can’t last much longer,” I admit ruefully, speeding up my pace. I drop to my elbows and balance on one arm so I can reach down to pull Louis’ off. He’s already close, I can tell. I want him to come with me, though, and I’m definitely closer.  

“C’mon, Louis,” I grunt through gritted teeth. We aren’t kissing anymore, just breathing harshly, his face turned to the side as he moans at every thrust. “Come with me now.”  

He must sense the change in my motions, because together we hit our highs with respective drawn out shudders, mine deep and his high-pitched. As I fill him with seed, he comes in spurts across his glistening tan stomach, my hand milking it out of him.   
 

“Fucking perfect,” I mutter as I kiss him, the sound of our breathing and wet lips filling the room. I slowly continue to stroke into him as we come down for our highs, my body collapsed onto his and his legs wrapped around my torso.   
 

As we continue to kiss, I reach over for the plug and rub my lube-slicked hand over it.   
 

“You sure I can do this?” I ask, holding the small object up for him to see.   
 

“Yeah, and then you can fuck me again in the morning,” he whispers, his voice raspy and weak. “II’ll never live up to you as a top. Maybe I should just quit.”   
 

I chuckle lightly and slowly pull out, replacing my cock with the black plug.   
 

“Please don’t say horrid things like that,” I whisper, kissing his jaw sloppily as I fall to his side.  

“You know I’ll never give up your ass,” he teases, smacking my bum.   

“I know,” I smile, dipping my fingers into the pool of come on his stomach. I take my fingers into my mouth and suck on them, closing my eyes and humming in delight.   
 

“My pretty, dirty boy,” he admires, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.  

“Speaking of which, I’ll go wash my hands and all so we can sleep, yeah?” I suggest. “Get you a nice damp rag?”  

“Yeah,” he mumbles sleepily, rolling over and taking a tissue from his side of the bed, “sounds perfect, love. Thanks.”  

I kiss him once more before standing up and walking to the bathroom. As I wash my hands, I look at myself in the mirror. My whole body is glistening from sweat, and while I know we should probably take a shower, it will just have to wait until morning. I want nothing more than to cuddle up to Louis and sleep peacefully after an intense orgasm. It’s the best feeling.  

I clean up and wet a rag, wringing it out before bringing it back to the bedroom. When I walk out, Louis is standing in the balcony doorway, a cigarette between his lips and a blanket draped loosely on his hips.  

I’m not sure what to do or say, but I can’t hide my disappointment.  

He turns around when he hears my footsteps and says, “I’ll be in bed in a moment, love. Get comfy.”  

I don’t say a word, climbing under the covers with a huff. I set the damp rag on his side of the bed and lay on my pillow facing the other way.  

When Louis turns the lights off and joins me, he wipes himself down and tosses the rag onto the ground.

He drapes an arm over my waist and kisses the back of my neck.   
 

“I love you,” he whispers.   
 

I bite my lip and squeeze his hand softly, “At least brush your teeth, Lou. You stink.”   
 

He chuckles and presses his lips to my cheek before getting out of bed again, “Anything for you, darling.”   
 

I’m asleep before he gets back. At least that’s what he thinks.   

 

"That song was really beautiful," he whispers, unaware that I'm awake, "I'm sorry I'm not good enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyyyy sorry for the typos and shitty stuff :/ i'm sick and in miami for my spring break. also sorry again for the long-ass wait. please forgive me?! 
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr](http://harryisproudoflouis.tumblr.com/)


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